Band 6.5 IELTS General Training Writing Task 1 Correction

You have borrowed something from your friend and it has got damaged. Write a letter to a friend. In your letter: - apologize for damaging the product/stuff - explain what happened - say how are you going to fix the issue

Sample Response

Dear Joseph, Hope you are doing great and enjoying your life. First of all, let me thank you for allowing me to use your digital blood pressure monitor, which I borrowed from you about a week ago in order to use it to monitor the blood pressure of my grandfather. But, I must apologize to you now because the device, you gave me, has been damaged accidentally. Let me explain to you what actually happened. After using your machine for a few days, I noticed that it was not working properly. So, I checked the battery and found out that the batteries were getting weak. Naturally, I wanted to replace the old batteries with the new ones, and that’s when the machine got slipped out of my hand and fell on the concrete floor. Luckily, the machine was still running, but its display monitor had received a few cracks on it. So, just give me a few days as I am going to take your machine to a local electronic device repair shop so that I can get it fixed by replacing its display monitor before returning it to you. I hope it would not be a big inconvenience to you. Warm wishes, Jessica

IELTS Writing Correction

  • 1. Separate greeting Original: Dear Joseph, Hope Suggested revision: Dear Joseph, I hope Why it matters: The salutation and opening sentence should be separated.
  • 2. Natural greeting Original: enjoying your life Suggested revision: doing well Why it matters: This is understandable but less natural in a friendly letter.
  • 3. Softer thanks Original: First of all, let me thank you Suggested revision: First, thank you Why it matters: The phrase is slightly formal for a letter to a friend.
  • 4. Reduce wordiness Original: in order to use it Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The purpose is already clear, so this phrase makes the sentence heavy.
  • 5. Smoother link Original: But, I must apologize Suggested revision: I also need to apologize Why it matters: The contrast marker is abrupt after the thank-you sentence.
  • 6. Remove commas Original: the device, you gave me, Suggested revision: the device you gave me Why it matters: The relative clause identifies the device, so it should not be set off with commas.
  • 7. More direct Original: has been damaged accidentally Suggested revision: was accidentally damaged Why it matters: A simpler passive form sounds more natural here.
  • 8. Trim filler Original: what actually happened Suggested revision: what happened Why it matters: Actually is unnecessary in this transition.
  • 9. Less mechanical link Original: So, I checked Suggested revision: I checked Why it matters: The repeated use of so makes the explanation feel list-like.
  • 10. Tighter tense Original: the batteries were getting weak Suggested revision: the batteries were weak Why it matters: A simple adjective is enough for this state.
  • 11. Article use Original: with the new ones Suggested revision: with new ones Why it matters: The definite article is not needed before a general replacement.
  • 12. Verb pattern Original: got slipped out of my hand Suggested revision: slipped out of my hand Why it matters: Slip does not take got in this construction.

Suggested Rewrites

  • Dear Joseph, Hope Dear Joseph, I hope
  • enjoying your life doing well
  • First of all, let me thank you First, thank you
  • in order to use it Delete
  • But, I must apologize I also need to apologize
  • the device, you gave me, the device you gave me
Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.

TA

Task Achievement

7.0
Feedback

The letter covers all three bullets: apology, explanation, and repair plan. The friendly purpose is clear, though the apology could accept responsibility more warmly.

Next step

Add a short direct apology before the explanation and keep the repair promise concise.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

6.5
Feedback

The sequence is logical, but the whole letter is one paragraph and the closing is not separated. This weakens letter organisation.

Next step

Use separate paragraphs for apology, what happened, and how you will fix it.

LR

Lexical Resource

6.5
Feedback

Vocabulary is adequate, with some precise topic words, but several phrases sound unnatural or repetitive.

Next step

Use simpler natural phrases such as “slipped out of my hand” and “get it repaired”.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.5
Feedback

Meaning is clear and there are some complex clauses. Comma, article, and verb-pattern errors are noticeable but mostly non-blocking.

Next step

Check commas around relative clauses and verb forms after “get”.