You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter: - explain why you took the job - describe the problems that you experienced - suggest what could be done about them
Sample Response
Dear Mr Anderson, I would like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to work in your company as a part-time cost-benefit analyst. So far I have been enjoying my work but some issues have been raised that need your interference to resolve. I am hoping that you would help me work even more efficiently by solving them.
I joined your company on 20th September as a part-timer and gaining experience and supporting my university tuition were my reasons to take a job. My job contract was to work for three days a week. Recently our team lead has instructed me to work four days per week which will contradict my class schedule. Besides, the computer I was given is not suitable to do my work. Despite assurance from the IT department, I am yet to receive a high configuration laptop. In fact, I am using my own laptop to work with the Primavera Software and I am worried about losing project data if some technical problems occur. I hope that I have not raised any irrational complaints and really need your help to work efficiently. Yours faithfully, Milad Rahimi
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Separate greeting Original: Dear Mr Anderson, I would Suggested revision: Dear Mr Anderson, I would Why it matters: The salutation should be separated from the first sentence.
- 2. Natural preposition Original: work in your company Suggested revision: work for your company Why it matters: Work for is more natural when referring to an employer.
- 3. Add comma Original: So far I have been Suggested revision: So far, I have been Why it matters: The introductory phrase needs a comma.
- 4. Direct wording Original: issues have been raised Suggested revision: I have encountered some issues Why it matters: This passive phrase is vague because the writer is the one raising the issues.
- 5. Wrong word Original: need your interference Suggested revision: need your intervention Why it matters: Interference has a negative meaning; intervention fits the request.
- 6. Modal choice Original: I am hoping that you would Suggested revision: I hope that you will Why it matters: Use hope with will for a future action.
- 7. Date form Original: 20th September Suggested revision: 20 September Why it matters: The date is clearer without the ordinal suffix in formal writing.
- 8. Professional wording Original: as a part-timer Suggested revision: on a part-time basis Why it matters: This sounds more appropriate in a formal letter.
- 9. Noun form Original: were my reasons to take a job Suggested revision: were my reasons for taking the job Why it matters: Use reasons for plus gerund.
- 10. Precise wording Original: My job contract was Suggested revision: My contract states that I should Why it matters: A contract is not the work pattern itself.
- 11. Add comma Original: Recently our team lead Suggested revision: Recently, our team leader Why it matters: The introductory time expression needs punctuation.
- 12. Tense choice Original: which will contradict Suggested revision: which conflicts with Why it matters: The present problem is current, so simple present is better.
Suggested Rewrites
- Dear Mr Anderson, I would Dear Mr Anderson, I would
- work in your company work for your company
- So far I have been So far, I have been
- issues have been raised I have encountered some issues
- need your interference need your intervention
- I am hoping that you would I hope that you will
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The letter explains why the job was taken, describes schedule and equipment problems, and asks for help. The solution is relevant but not fully explicit.
End with direct requests to keep the three-day schedule and provide the correct laptop.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear direction, but the body paragraph is overloaded and the closing is attached to the final sentence.
Separate background, problems, and requested action into short paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Workplace vocabulary is generally suitable, but a few word choices are inaccurate or unnatural.
Use formal collocations such as “your intervention” and “high-specification laptop”.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is mostly clear, with errors in noun phrases, modal choices, and punctuation.
Review “reasons for taking”, relative clauses, and commas after introductory words.