You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter: - explain why you took the job - describe the problems that you experienced - suggest what could be done about them
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Dear Mr Anderson, I would like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to work forin your company as a part-time cost-benefit analyst. So far, I have beenSo far I have been enjoying my work but some I have encountered some issuesissues have been raised that need your interventioninterference to resolve. I hope that you willI am hoping that you would help me work even more efficiently by solving them.
I joined your company on 2020th September on a part-time basisas a part-timer and gaining experience and supporting my university tuition were my reasons for taking the jobwere my reasons to take a job. My contract states that I shouldMy job contract was to work for three days a week. Recently, our team leaderRecently our team lead has instructed me to work four days per week which conflicts withwhich will contradict my class schedule. In addition, the computerBesides, the computer I was given is not suitable for my worknot suitable to do my work. Despite assurance from the IT department, I am yet to receive a high-specification laptophigh configuration laptop. In fact, I am using my own laptop to work with the Primavera softwareSoftware and I am worried about losing project data if anysome technical problems occur. I hope that I have not raised any unreasonableirrational complaints and really need your help to work efficiently. Yours faithfully, Milad Rahimi
Why this response received Band 6.5
The letter clearly explains both reasons for taking the role and gives specific, credible detail about the schedule conflict and unsuitable equipment. Its main weakness is that the requested solution remains indirect, so the response would be more effective if it ended with explicit requests to retain the agreed three-day schedule and receive an appropriate work laptop, supported by clearer paragraphing and more natural formal phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The letter explains why the job was taken, describes schedule and equipment problems, and asks for help. The solution is relevant but not fully explicit.
End with direct requests to keep the three-day schedule and provide the correct laptop.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear direction, but the body paragraph is overloaded and the closing is attached to the final sentence.
Separate background, problems, and requested action into short paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Workplace vocabulary is generally suitable, but a few word choices are inaccurate or unnatural.
Use formal collocations such as “your intervention” and “high-specification laptop”.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is mostly clear, with errors in noun phrases, modal choices, and punctuation.
Review “reasons for taking”, relative clauses, and commas after introductory words.