You forget your bag in the gym and the gym management announced that it will be closed for a week for some renovation work. You need your bag as it has important things in it. Write a letter to the manager of the gym. In your letter: - introduce yourself and describe your position - give them a description of your bag - tell them what you want them to do
Sample Response
Dear Mr Peter, Three days ago I went to your Gold Body Gym and forgot the bag that I placed in cupboard 547. I was ill for the last two days and when I went to the gym yesterday I was notified that the gym would be closed for a week. I need my bag urgently and I am hoping you will allow me to fetch my bag from the gym. I have been a member of your gymnasium since 2022 and my membership number is 4580. The allocated cabinet that I use regularly is 547. I placed my bag in that closet and forgot it as I hurried to return home on 22nd March 2025. Due to my sickness, I was absent for the next two days and could not retrieve my bag. In relation to the specifics of the bag, it is a brown colour office bag that has my laptop, a few official documents, my credit card and a notebook in it. The bag has three zippers and a flexible handle. Now that I heard that your gym would be closed for at least a week for renovation work, I am a bit worried. As a solution, and because I really need the bag, I am hoping that you would permit me to collect it from the gym sometime tomorrow. Thank you for giving the matter your attention and I hope to hear your reply soon. Yours sincerely, Alex Carey
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the right noun Original: in cupboard 547 Suggested revision: in locker 547 Why it matters: ‘Locker’ is the standard term for numbered storage at a gym.
- 2. Fix time reference Original: for the last two days Suggested revision: for the following two days Why it matters: ‘Following’ correctly identifies the two days after the bag was left behind.
- 3. Use consistent terminology Original: allocated cabinet Suggested revision: assigned locker Why it matters: ‘Assigned locker’ is the natural phrase for numbered gym storage.
- 4. Keep storage term consistent Original: closet Suggested revision: locker Why it matters: A gym’s numbered storage compartment is a locker, not a closet.
- 5. Fix noun modifiers Original: brown colour office bag Suggested revision: brown office bag Why it matters: ‘Brown’ can directly modify ‘office bag’ without the extra noun ‘colour’.
- 6. Use present perfect Original: Now that I heard Suggested revision: Now that I have heard Why it matters: The present perfect links the recent news about the closure to the writer’s current concern.
- 7. Use natural expression Original: hear your reply Suggested revision: hear from you Why it matters: The standard closing expression is ‘I hope to hear from you’.
- 8. Clarify the action Original: forgot the bag that I placed Suggested revision: left behind the bag I had placed Why it matters: ‘Left behind’ describes forgetting an item at a location more precisely.
- 9. Use natural formal wording Original: was notified Suggested revision: was informed Why it matters: ‘Was informed’ is the more natural collocation for receiving news about the closure.
- 10. Make request concise Original: I am hoping you will allow me Suggested revision: I hope you will allow me Why it matters: The simple present form is direct and suitably polite in this request.
- 11. Keep wording consistent Original: gymnasium Suggested revision: gym Why it matters: Using ‘gym’ consistently avoids an unnecessary shift in terminology.
- 12. Clarify the sequence Original: forgot it as I hurried to return home Suggested revision: left it behind when I hurried home Why it matters: The replacement makes the sequence of leaving the bag and going home clearer.
Suggested Rewrites
- in cupboard 547 in locker 547
- for the last two days for the following two days
- allocated cabinet assigned locker
- closet locker
- brown colour office bag brown office bag
- Now that I heard Now that I have heard
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter fully explains the writer's membership status, identifies the bag in considerable detail, and makes the requested action unmistakably clear in an appropriately polite register. Its main limitation is that the response is presented as one long block and repeats some information about the locker and closure. The highest-priority improvement is to group related details into clear paragraphs and remove repetition for a more efficient formal letter.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
All three required points are fully addressed with specific details, and the request to retrieve the bag is clear and appropriately polite.
Add a practical contact detail or proposed collection arrangement to make the requested action easier for the manager to fulfil.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence from circumstances to identification, bag description, and request is logical, but the single-block format and repetition weaken cohesion.
Use separate paragraphs for the background, the bag description, and the collection request, removing repeated details about locker 547.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of formal and descriptive vocabulary, although a few combinations sound unnatural.
Prefer idiomatic expressions such as 'a brown office bag' and 'because I was unwell' for greater lexical precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Most complex sentences are accurate and meaning remains clear, with only occasional tense and structural lapses.
Keep the narrative time frame consistent, particularly by replacing 'Now that I heard' with an appropriate present-perfect form.