Your friend has a travel company and would like you to come and work with him. Write a letter replying to your friend's offer. In your letter: - explain what you know about your friend's company - choose whether you accept or decline the offer - give reasons for your choice
Sample Response
Dear Miller, It is so great to hear from you after such a long time. Hope you are doing well with your work and family. Anyway, I am delighted and flattered about the fact that you have actually thought of me as a prospective business partner of yours and invited me to work with you at your travel agency. By the way, I know how you have worked for several travel companies before starting your own company at a small office about 5 years ago. Today, with your hard works, and with more than 500,000 (in US dollars) yearly business turnover, your travel agency has managed to establish itself as one of the most successful small businesses and innovative entrepreneurs in our country. Besides, your customer retention rate is phenomenal, especially, among the travellers who fly to East Europe. But, despite all this success of your business, I will have to turn down your offer to work with you in the capacity of a Deputy General Manager of your company, primarily because I can’t leave my elderly parents all by themselves in my town. Besides, I like my current job. Hope you will understand. I hope we can meet soon and spend a good time together. Warm wishes, Kyle
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete sentence Original: Hope you are doing well Suggested revision: I hope you are doing well Why it matters: A complete sentence is more polished, even in an informal letter.
- 2. Natural phrase Original: flattered about the fact Suggested revision: flattered that Why it matters: This is more concise and natural.
- 3. Over-formal wording Original: prospective business partner of yours Suggested revision: possible colleague Why it matters: The original sounds too formal for a letter to a friend.
- 4. Past reference Original: how you have worked Suggested revision: that you worked Why it matters: Use a simple past form for completed work before starting the company.
- 5. Uncountable noun Original: with your hard works Suggested revision: through your hard work Why it matters: "Hard work" is normally uncountable.
- 6. Business phrase Original: 500,000 (in US dollars) yearly business turnover Suggested revision: an annual turnover of more than US$500,000 Why it matters: This is the standard way to express turnover.
- 7. Category mismatch Original: successful small businesses and innovative entrepreneurs Suggested revision: successful small travel businesses Why it matters: A travel agency is a business, not an entrepreneur.
- 8. Unneeded comma Original: especially, among Suggested revision: especially among Why it matters: No comma is needed between "especially" and the phrase it modifies.
- 9. Natural region name Original: East Europe Suggested revision: Eastern Europe Why it matters: This is the standard regional term.
- 10. Too formal Original: in the capacity of a Deputy General Manager Suggested revision: as Deputy General Manager Why it matters: This is shorter and less stiff.
- 11. Natural phrase Original: all by themselves in my town Suggested revision: on their own in my hometown Why it matters: This sounds more natural and specific.
- 12. Collocation Original: spend a good time together. Suggested revision: have a good time together. Why it matters: "Have a good time" is the standard collocation.
Suggested Rewrites
- Hope you are doing well I hope you are doing well
- flattered about the fact flattered that
- prospective business partner of yours possible colleague
- how you have worked that you worked
- with your hard works through your hard work
- 500,000 (in US dollars) yearly business turnover an annual turnover of more than US$500,000
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response fully addresses the friend's offer: it shows knowledge of the travel company, clearly declines the job, and gives relevant reasons. The friendly purpose is achieved well.
Balance the detailed praise of the company with a little more personal explanation of why your current responsibilities prevent you from accepting.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter has a clear overall flow from greeting to company knowledge, decision, reasons, and closing. Some sentences are overloaded, and the long company-description section could be organised more cleanly.
Use paragraph breaks and shorter sentences to separate the company background from your decision.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of vocabulary about business and travel, but several phrases are unnatural or too formal for a friend, such as "hard works" and "in the capacity of".
Choose conversational but accurate phrases, especially because the recipient is a friend.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Most grammar is controlled and meaning is clear. Errors are mainly with plural forms, articles, and phrase structure rather than sentence-level clarity.
Proofread noun forms and prepositions in business phrases before finalising the letter.