The chart below gives information about global sales of games software, CDs and DVD or video.
Sample Response
The given bar graph shows the sales amount of Games, CDs and DVDs in the world from the year 2000 to 2003. As is observed from the graph, the sales volume of games software increased over the year and CDs were the most sold items in terms of its sales amount among the given items though VDVs slowly replaced CDs. According to the data, in the year 2000, the sales amount of CDs was 35 billion dollars worldwide. In this year the sales amount for DVDs/ Video and games were less than 20 billion dollars. The sales amount of these three items remained almost same in the next year with some increment in the sales amount of VDV and games. Over the year the sales amount of CDs decreased and finally reached to just over 30 billion dollars in 2003. On the contrary, the sales amount for DVD/ Video increased significantly and the amount reached almost near the sales amount of the CDs. Similarly, the sales amount of games increased and reached to over 15 billion dollars in 2003. In summary, DVDs gradually replaced the CDs and games software sales increased for the given period of time.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural noun sales figures
- 2. Concise time phrase from 2000 to 2003
- 3. Time phrase games software increased over the period
- 4. Plural agreement in terms of sales
- 5. Spelling DVDs
- 6. Overstatement almost caught up with CDs
- 7. Article needed remained almost the same
- 8. Natural phrase with small increases
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response identifies the main trends: CD sales were highest but declined, while DVD/video and games software rose. However, it overstates that DVDs replaced CDs, since CDs remained slightly higher in 2003, and some figures are approximate without enough contrast.
State that DVD/video almost caught up with CDs by 2003, while games software rose more modestly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows the years logically and has an overview plus summary, but it is in one block and some linking phrases are repetitive.
Use separate paragraphs for overview, 2000-2001, and 2002-2003 comparisons.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is suitable overall, but there are spelling errors such as 'VDVs' and repetitive phrases such as 'sales amount'.
Use 'sales', 'revenue', 'figures', 'rose', 'fell', 'remained stable', and 'nearly matched'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally clear, but there are errors with singular/plural nouns, articles, and phrase choice such as 'over the year' instead of 'over the period'.
Proofread plural forms and time phrases, especially when describing multi-year trends.