The diagram below shows how a biofuel called ethanol is produced. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Band 7.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Essay Correction
Student Essay
The diagram illustrates the production of biofuel called ethanol.
The process of producing ethanol is cyclical, consisting of 6-7 stages. It starts with plants consuming carbon dioxide and ends with vehicles releasing carbon dioxide back into the atmosphere.
Initially, plants and trees absorb energy from sunlight and carbon dioxide, which results in their growth. As they finish growing, they are harvested and transported. Then, plants are pre-processed by grinders. Consequently, a structure known as cellulose is derived from vegetation and processed in laboratories through chemical reactions. It forms substances known as sugars. Eventually, various microbes are added to the formed sugars and mixed to produce ethanol. As a biofuel, ethanol is subsequently utilised in different vehicles. For instance, cars, trucks, and planes use ethanol in their engines, producing carbon dioxide back into the atmosphere. Eventually, the carbon dioxide is absorbed by plants and trees again. The process of ethanol production restarts.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Be precise consisting of seven distinct stages
- 2. Academic vocabulary pre-processed, which involves shredding or grinding
- 3. Awkward phrasing releasing carbon dioxide back into the atmosphere
- 4. Repetitive transition Following this, various microbes
- 5. Clarify stage During the processing stage, cellulose derived from the plants is chemically broken down in a laboratory setting to produce sugars.
- 6. Break up long paragraph Consider splitting the body paragraph into two: one focusing on the biological and harvesting stages (from plant growth to pre-processing), and the second focusing on the chemical processing and final consumption stages.
- 7. Excellent Overview Keep this structure.
- 8. Vary Process Verbs Use verbs like 'convert', 'transform', 'ferment', and 'emit'.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response covers all key stages of the process, including the cyclical nature of the carbon dioxide loop. It accurately identifies the inputs (sunlight, CO2), the physical processing steps (harvesting, pre-processing, cellulose extraction, chemical processing into sugars, and microbial fermentation), and the final usage by vehicles.
To improve, ensure that technical terms from the diagram (like 'processing' and 'fermentation/microbes added') are described with slightly more precise chemical/industrial vocabulary.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized, moving chronologically through the cycle. Cohesive devices are used naturally, though there is a slight over-reliance on simple sequential transition words (Initially, Then, Consequently, Eventually).
Vary the transition signals by using adverbial clauses or participial phrases (e.g., 'After being harvested, the plants are transported...') instead of starting every sentence with a sequential adverb.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is appropriate and mostly accurate. Technical terms from the diagram are integrated well. Some minor improvements can be made to word choices to sound more natural and academic.
Replace repetitive or slightly awkward phrases like 'producing carbon dioxide back' with more precise verbs like 'releasing' or 'emitting'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The grammar is generally accurate with a good mix of active and passive voice, which is essential for process descriptions. There are only minor prepositional and structural slips.
Focus on prepositional accuracy and participle clauses to ensure complex sentences flow smoothly.