The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Band 8.0 IELTS Writing Task 1 Essay Correction
Student Essay
The line graph shows the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US from 1960 to 2020.
Overall, manufacturing had the highest number of jobs at the beginning, but it decreased after 1980. In contrast, retail and healthcare increased over the period, while agriculture declined and remained the smallest sector in the end.
In 1960, manufacturing provided about 15 million jobs, which was much higher than the other sectors. It then rose to 20 million in 1980 before falling to around 17 million in 2000 and 13 million in 2020. Retail started at about 6 million jobs and increased steadily to 10 million in 1980 and 15 million in 2000. By 2020, it became the largest sector with approximately 16 million jobs.
Healthcare also showed a strong upward trend. It began with only 2 million jobs in 1960, increased to 5 million in 1980 and 11 million in 2000, and finally reached about 16 million in 2020. On the other hand, agriculture fell from around 6 million jobs in 1960 to 3 million in 1980 and 2000, before dropping further to about 2 million in 2020.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Shared top position it, alongside healthcare, became one of the two largest sectors
- 2. Better transition By contrast
- 3. Vary vocabulary expanded over the sixty-year timeframe
- 4. Academic phrasing remained the least significant sector by the end of the period.
- 5. Noun phrase variety The number of jobs in retail started at approximately 6 million
- 6. Collocation marked upward trajectory
- 7. Synonym for fall contracted from around 6 million jobs
- 8. Cohesive flow Conversely, employment in retail and healthcare
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response fully satisfies the requirements of the task. It provides a clear overview highlighting the main trends (the decline of manufacturing and agriculture versus the growth of retail and healthcare) and accurately reports key data points for all four sectors across the given years.
To improve further, highlight the intersection points where trends crossed each other (e.g., healthcare overtaking agriculture around 1970, or retail/healthcare overtaking manufacturing between 2010 and 2020).
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized, with a clear introduction, overview, and two body paragraphs grouping similar trends together. Cohesive devices are used naturally, though some transition signals could be more varied.
Vary transition signals to avoid overusing standard contrast links like 'On the other hand' when presenting purely statistical comparisons.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is appropriate and varied enough to describe trends clearly (e.g., 'strong upward trend', 'increased steadily', 'declined'). However, there is some repetition of basic verbs like 'increased' and 'fell'.
Incorporate more advanced lexical items for describing trends, such as 'experienced a steady climb', 'surpassed', 'dwindled', or 'witnessed a contraction'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The grammar is highly accurate with a good mix of simple and complex sentence structures. Tenses are used correctly throughout to describe past events (1960–2020).
Maintain this level of accuracy while trying to use more complex noun phrases (e.g., 'The job market in the manufacturing sector...') to vary sentence openings.