For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays?
Sample Response
Many people believe that the concept of a perfect holiday is by going on a vacation to country areas or staying in a resort and getting away from routine activities. However, there are others who choose to stay at their house and do some personal tasks that they have not done yet. The following essay will discuss the advantages of taking a trip during the holiday period in details. To begin with, it is a fact that working competition in big cities such as in New York, Tokyo or London is getting tougher these days. Therefore workloads and work pressures are getting more intense nowadays and have increased the stress level of many employees. Many of these people feel depressed, hopeless and burnt out with their daily routine activities and that have negatively impacted to their work performance and individual's life as well. For a number of reasons, it is believed that the best way to release stress is by taking some leisure activities. Firstly, by taking a trip to the mountain areas, people could get away from the noise, distraction and pollution that they must face daily. They could do some relaxation and meditation activities in these places, which could help them in releasing their stress. Secondly, by taking a vacation to the countryside or to some resorts, people could have some quality time with their families. Lastly, taking a trip to new areas will enrich people's experiences, as they will learn new cultures, new languages and new foods. In conclusion, it is believed that people should take a trip to a new area or go to some scenery places during their holiday period. Going to some tourist destination places such as the mountain areas, or the beach bring a lot of benefits for mankind since it could help them in releasing their stress level and they could have some quality time with their families.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural phrase Original: country areas Suggested revision: rural areas Why it matters: Rural areas is the natural phrase for countryside locations.
- 2. Article use Original: staying in a resort Suggested revision: staying in a resort or camping in the countryside Why it matters: This better captures the travel option and uses the natural phrase the countryside.
- 3. Natural phrase Original: at their house Suggested revision: at home Why it matters: At home is the standard expression and matches the task.
- 4. Fixed phrase Original: in details Suggested revision: in detail Why it matters: The fixed phrase is in detail, not in details.
- 5. Noun phrase Original: working competition Suggested revision: competition at work Why it matters: This is clearer and more natural.
- 6. Comma after linker Original: Therefore workloads and work pressures are getting more intense nowadays Suggested revision: Therefore, workloads and work pressures are getting more intense nowadays Why it matters: A comma after Therefore improves sentence flow.
- 7. Agreement Original: and that have negatively impacted Suggested revision: and this has negatively affected Why it matters: This refers to the whole previous idea and needs singular agreement.
- 8. Plural generalisation Original: individual's life Suggested revision: individuals' lives Why it matters: The essay is discussing people generally.
- 9. Verb choice Original: taking some leisure activities Suggested revision: doing some leisure activities Why it matters: Do activities is more natural than take activities.
- 10. Smoother topic sentence Original: Firstly, by taking a trip Suggested revision: First, taking a trip Why it matters: This is more concise and reduces mechanical phrasing.
- 11. Verb pattern Original: people could have some quality time Suggested revision: people could spend quality time Why it matters: Spend quality time is the standard collocation.
- 12. Singular concept Original: people's experiences Suggested revision: people's experience Why it matters: Experience is often uncountable when referring to knowledge gained.
Suggested Rewrites
- country areas rural areas
- staying in a resort staying in a resort or camping in the countryside
- at their house at home
- in details in detail
- working competition competition at work
- Therefore workloads and work pressures are getting more intense nowadays Therefore, workloads and work pressures are getting more intense nowadays
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response focuses on the benefits of going away on holiday, which answers the question. It gives several relevant benefits, including stress relief, family time, and cultural experience, but some ideas are general and the stay-at-home contrast is not used much.
State two or three main benefits clearly and explain why they are stronger than the benefits of staying at home.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is written as one long paragraph, which limits coherence. There is a logical order from introduction to reasons and conclusion, but paragraphing and transitions need much better control.
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, stress relief, family/cultural benefits, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and topic-related, with words such as routine, workload, leisure, countryside, and tourist destination. Some phrases are unnatural, including country areas, in details, and scenery places.
Use natural travel vocabulary such as rural areas, in detail, scenic places, tourist destinations, and daily routine.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is mostly clear, but errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, and sentence boundaries are frequent. Some long sentences are awkward and reduce fluency.
Break long sentences into shorter ones and check each noun phrase for articles and plural forms.