An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
The modern world has seen the profound growth in availability of various job prospects and better living standards. This trend has enabled people across the globe with a wide range of career options while improved and affordable lifestyle became the key path breaker in helping them move across the globe. I believe it is a positive movement.
There are several reasons why people undergo a career change and relocation. Sometimes, lack of job opportunities and poor financial situation of one's state could be the key factor leading to change in career path. Another reason could be better wages and low tax rates in other states, adding to more savings and an increased happiness in peoples' lives. In addition to this, better living standards and a fast-paced career advancement opportunities, helping one to climb the ladder of organisational positions even faster, could be some of the main reasons.
Naturally, it is considered to be a positive and an advantageous practice, leading to improvement in ones' well-being and better financial possibilities. With the smooth flow of finances, one can invest in other businesses or can better support his family in various ways like for child education, health services, housing, entertainment, travelling etc., therefore, the ultimate contributing factor for the better life. Moreover, changing the place of living due to career changes provides one with options to experience the different cultures and traditional customs of many parts of the world.
In conclusion, many people prefer to opt for alternate career options and sometimes different place of living for various life and jobs related reasons. This shift is considered a rewarding and absolutely positive for mankind as it comes with a wide array of benefits along with fulfilling lifestyle.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article use Original: the profound growth Suggested revision: a profound growth Why it matters: A is more natural when introducing this general trend.
- 2. Tense consistency Original: improved and affordable lifestyle became Suggested revision: an improved and more affordable lifestyle has become Why it matters: The sentence describes a present trend, so present perfect fits better.
- 3. Unnatural phrase Original: key path breaker Suggested revision: key factor Why it matters: Path breaker is not a natural phrase in this context.
- 4. Topic wording Original: positive movement Suggested revision: positive development Why it matters: This matches the task question more precisely.
- 5. Noun phrase Original: poor financial situation of one's state Suggested revision: the poor financial situation in one's region Why it matters: This is clearer and uses a more suitable preposition.
- 6. Possessive form Original: peoples' lives Suggested revision: people's lives Why it matters: People is already plural, so the possessive is people's.
- 7. Article mismatch Original: a fast-paced career advancement opportunities Suggested revision: fast-paced career advancement opportunities Why it matters: The plural noun opportunities should not follow a.
- 8. Possessive form Original: ones' well-being Suggested revision: one's well-being Why it matters: The intended generic singular form is one's.
- 9. Unclear phrase Original: the ultimate contributing factor for the better life Suggested revision: a major contribution to a better life Why it matters: The original phrase is wordy and unnatural.
- 10. Natural phrase Original: different place of living Suggested revision: a different place to live Why it matters: This is the idiomatic way to express the idea.
- 11. Missing noun Original: a rewarding and absolutely positive Suggested revision: rewarding and largely positive Why it matters: The phrase needs either a noun after positive or the article should be removed.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: This trend has enabled people across the globe with a wide range of career options while improved and affordable lifestyle became the key path breaker in helping them move across the globe. Suggested revision: This trend has given people across the globe a wider range of career options, while improved living standards have made relocation easier. Why it matters: The rewrite clarifies meaning and removes unnatural phrasing.
Suggested Rewrites
- the profound growth a profound growth
- improved and affordable lifestyle became an improved and more affordable lifestyle has become
- key path breaker key factor
- positive movement positive development
- poor financial situation of one's state the poor financial situation in one's region
- peoples' lives people's lives
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay presents a clear positive view and gives several relevant reasons and benefits, but it does not seriously consider possible drawbacks, which limits balance for this development question.
Add a brief concession about instability or family disruption before explaining why the benefits are stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
The organization is clear, with separate introduction, reasons, benefits, and conclusion, though some sentences are long and progression sometimes becomes list-like.
Use one central idea per paragraph and connect examples more explicitly to the positive-development judgement.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally adequate and sometimes varied, but there are awkward collocations and word forms that reduce precision.
Use natural collocations such as career opportunities, standard of living, and job-related reasons.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a range of structures, but article use, plural possessives, and sentence endings are inconsistent.
Proofread noun phrases carefully, especially articles before singular countable nouns and possessives such as people's.