Some people prefer to spend more time improving their careers. Others think that it’s more important to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
People have different priorities in life, as some choose to focus more on their works while others prefer to have more time with their family and relatives. The following essay will discuss both opinions, but I personally feel that we should have a balanced view regarding the discussion. On the one hand, some people choose to spend more times in career development. These people believe that career would be the most important aspect of their life, as a successful career would change their life. They would be able to earn handsome money, drive a luxurious car, live a big house, travel overseas or wear fancy clothes. Therefore they choose to focus more on their career improvement. One of the ways would be by working longer and more dedicatedly than what an average employee would do. Then, they also would take additional courses and training which correlate to their work during the night or in the weekend. As a consequence, they do not have time for themselves and for their family and friends as well. On the other hand, other groups of people believe that family, relatives and friends are more important than works. They believe that spending more times with the family would have a positive effect on children's mental development. They also believe that that people should be close to relatives and neighbours, as they are the first one who will help during financial difficulties or natural disasters. Consequently, many of these people cannot improve their careers, because they do not want to spend some of their times for self-development. In my opinion, I personally believe that people should have a balanced life. It means that people must develop their potential and should also have targets and ambitions in their career life, but they should not sacrifice the socialisation time as well. People should learn more about time management such as setting priorities at work, therefore they could work more effective and efficient. As a result, they do not have to work overtime and they could some spend some time with their family and friends.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable noun Original: their works Suggested revision: their work Why it matters: "Work" is normally uncountable when referring to employment generally.
- 2. Use uncountable time Original: more times Suggested revision: more time Why it matters: The sentence refers to time in general, not separate occasions.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: earn handsome money Suggested revision: earn a good salary Why it matters: This is a more natural academic phrase.
- 4. Add preposition Original: live a big house Suggested revision: live in a big house Why it matters: The verb "live" needs "in" before a place.
- 5. Use natural phrase Original: more dedicatedly Suggested revision: with more dedication Why it matters: The adverb is understandable but awkward.
- 6. Use related to Original: which correlate to their work Suggested revision: which are related to their work Why it matters: Training courses are related to work; "correlate to" is not natural here.
- 7. Fix preposition Original: in the weekend Suggested revision: on the weekend Why it matters: The standard phrase is "on the weekend" in this context.
- 8. Use uncountable noun Original: than works Suggested revision: than work Why it matters: "Work" should be uncountable here.
- 9. Remove duplicate word Original: that that people Suggested revision: that people Why it matters: One "that" is duplicated by mistake.
- 10. Fix plural agreement Original: the first one who will help Suggested revision: the first ones who will help Why it matters: The subject refers to relatives and neighbours, so the plural form is needed.
- 11. Use adverbs Original: work more effective and efficient Suggested revision: work more effectively and efficiently Why it matters: Adverbs are needed to modify the verb "work".
- 12. Fix word order Original: they could some spend some time Suggested revision: they could spend some time Why it matters: The extra "some" is misplaced and should be removed.
Suggested Rewrites
- their works their work
- more times more time
- earn handsome money earn a good salary
- live a big house live in a big house
- more dedicatedly with more dedication
- which correlate to their work which are related to their work
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses both career improvement and time with family or friends, and it gives a clear personal opinion that balance is best. Development is relevant, though some examples focus on material success and some claims about family support are broad.
Add more analysis of why a balanced life is better than either extreme, and make the opinion paragraph the strongest part of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is clearly organized with two view paragraphs and a final opinion paragraph. Cohesion is generally sound, but repetition of "they believe" and several wordy transitions make the argument less fluent.
Use fewer repeated sentence starters and make each paragraph end with a short evaluative sentence linking back to life priorities.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary covers the topic well, including priorities, career development, relatives, ambitions, and time management. Some expressions are inaccurate or unnatural, such as works, more times, handsome money, and correlate to their work.
Use natural collocations such as "work", "more time", "earn a good salary", "work-related training", and "efficiently".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is clear throughout and there is a mix of sentence types. Errors with plural nouns, prepositions, modal repetition, and adverb forms occur regularly but rarely obscure meaning.
Check plural and uncountable nouns, especially "work", "time", and "career", and use adverbs after verbs such as "work effectively".