The use of cell phones (mobile phones) has increased rapidly in the twenty-first century. Additionally, cell phones can now be used for many purposes besides making phone calls. What are the advantages and disadvantages of cell phones?
Sample Response
Cell phones have become very common among everyone, thanks to the technological advancements, the handheld device is available starting from few pennies to even millions of dollars. These tools, depending on features that they come along with, can perform multiple operations. While the technology geeks encourage the uptrend, luddites talk about negative impacts that such devices can bring into the society. Both these arguments will be carefully analysed before arriving at a reasoned conclusion.
These portable devices have become an indispensable part of our mind which requires entertainment-on-demand. For instance, such devices accessing high-speed network can stream a high definition video live. These devices are also being constructively used to control the smart appliances at home remotely from anywhere in the world. In addition to this, the cell phone is used for improving one’s fitness through some useful application that can help through different fitness routines replacing the need for a trainer. In short, the mobile phones are replacing many other types of equipment and emerging as a one-stop solution for many requirements.
On the other hand, due to smartphones, people are glued to their smartphone screens even during meetings in office and also while at home. To illustrate, phubbing has become one of the leading bad behaviours in recent years. Specifically, the situation in some of the house is so worse that they chat with their sibling in next room instead of talking to them. To conclude, the socialisation among the social animal is taking place in an unconventional way. This can lead to loss of linguistic speaking skills in a long term.
Considering the points of view of both camps, the cell phones have many advantages than disadvantages but it is advocated to use the technology judiciously and ensure overall development of human society
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Preposition Original: among everyone Suggested revision: among people of all ages Why it matters: Among everyone is awkward and vague.
- 2. Article use Original: thanks to the technological advancements Suggested revision: thanks to technological advancements Why it matters: The article is unnecessary in this general phrase.
- 3. Unrealistic phrase Original: starting from few pennies Suggested revision: ranging from very cheap models Why it matters: Few pennies is not a natural or realistic price description.
- 4. Informal wording Original: technology geeks Suggested revision: technology enthusiasts Why it matters: Geeks is too informal for academic writing.
- 5. Loaded term Original: luddites Suggested revision: critics of technology Why it matters: This is more neutral and formal.
- 6. Article use Original: into the society Suggested revision: to society Why it matters: Society is used generally here without the.
- 7. Wrong phrase Original: part of our mind Suggested revision: part of our daily lives Why it matters: Phones are part of daily life, not part of the mind.
- 8. Article missing Original: accessing high-speed network Suggested revision: accessing a high-speed network Why it matters: A singular countable noun needs an article.
- 9. Plural form Original: some useful application Suggested revision: some useful applications Why it matters: Some requires a plural noun here.
- 10. Plural noun Original: some of the house Suggested revision: some households Why it matters: Households is the correct noun for family units.
- 11. Unnatural phrase Original: the social animal Suggested revision: human beings Why it matters: The expression is awkward in this sentence.
- 12. Fixed phrase Original: in a long term Suggested revision: in the long term Why it matters: The fixed phrase is in the long term.
Suggested Rewrites
- among everyone among people of all ages
- thanks to the technological advancements thanks to technological advancements
- starting from few pennies ranging from very cheap models
- technology geeks technology enthusiasts
- luddites critics of technology
- into the society to society
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages and gives a clear final judgement that advantages outweigh disadvantages. Some advantages are specific, but the disadvantages and conclusion need more balanced development.
Add one concrete disadvantage beyond social behaviour, such as distraction, privacy, or health, and weigh it against the practical benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is well paragraphed with a clear advantage-disadvantage structure. Some transitions are mechanical or misleading, especially when the conclusion appears inside the disadvantage paragraph.
Reserve To conclude for the final paragraph and use topic sentences that clearly label advantages and disadvantages.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often effective, including terms such as portable devices, smart appliances, and socialisation. Some informal or awkward phrases reduce precision.
Replace informal labels and unnatural expressions with neutral academic vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally controlled enough for clear communication, with some complex sentences. Errors in articles, prepositions, plural forms, and sentence punctuation still occur.
Check article use with common nouns and add final punctuation to every sentence.