Nowadays people live in the society where consumer goods are cheaper to buy. Do you think its advantages outweigh disadvantages?
Sample Response
Today's era is significantly advanced than that of the past and availability of cheap consumer products attracts people to buy things more frequently than ever before. Even though the living standard of people has improved with this, I feel that the demerits of this trend cannot be overlooked.
On one hand, as a result of globalisation people can access the national and the international products at an affordable price. For instance, new gadgets such as Android cell phones are available in the market at an acceptable price that everyone can afford. In a sense, the widespread use of such technological devices has improved the way we communicate but this is also creating a throwaway society. The gap between the rich and poor has narrowed in terms of their ability to purchase consumer products. Living standard has improved and basic needs are easily met these days and more people have the opportunities to select from more options. As a result, people are purchasing things that do not even need. A single person has multiple cell phones and they are busy all day with their cell phones and internet. Thus people are becoming less social. The technology changes rapidly and thus people need to change the model of a product within few months. The amount of wastage created from these electronic devices is a matter of great concern. Cheaper price of cars and motorbikes are the primary reason for traffic congestion and the habit of purchasing products that people do not really need is a very bad trend.
On the other hand, due to the cheaply available goods, a newer trend of material possession has emerged. Nowadays people consider this as their status symbol. For example, people who possess the branded gadgets or latest cars earn a respectable position in the society and this is a degradation of morality and social value. In addition, this trend leads to a throwaway culture and the amount of trash produced each day is increased dangerously. As a result environmental pollution is irreversible.
Moreover, cheap availability of products motivates people to consume the unwanted products. Last but not the least, most of the technologies used for developing cost effective products are harmful to human health and human life is jeopardised.
Taking everything into consideration, availability of consumer products at an affordable price is a positive trend as it helps people to lead a better life. However, the negative sides of this trend cannot be forgotten. Social, personal and environmental problems are ever increasing due to this and it might be a serious threat for the future generation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Comparison form Original: significantly advanced than that of the past Suggested revision: significantly more advanced than in the past Why it matters: A comparative adjective needs more before advanced.
- 2. Smoother noun phrase Original: availability of cheap consumer products Suggested revision: the availability of inexpensive consumer goods Why it matters: This sounds more academic and matches the prompt wording.
- 3. Natural phrase Original: the living standard of people Suggested revision: people's living standards Why it matters: The plural expression is more idiomatic.
- 4. Less mechanical wording Original: the demerits of this trend Suggested revision: the disadvantages of this trend Why it matters: Disadvantages is clearer and matches the task.
- 5. Article use Original: the national and the international products Suggested revision: national and international products Why it matters: The repeated definite articles are unnecessary.
- 6. Precise adjective Original: at an acceptable price Suggested revision: at an affordable price Why it matters: Affordable is the natural word for consumer access.
- 7. Weak linker Original: In a sense Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The sentence can start directly with the claim.
- 8. Clarify contrast Original: but this is also creating Suggested revision: although it is also creating Why it matters: The sentence contains both a benefit and a drawback, so the contrast should be smooth.
- 9. Missing article Original: Living standard has improved Suggested revision: The standard of living has improved Why it matters: The expression needs an article and fuller noun phrase.
- 10. Number and article Original: the opportunities to select Suggested revision: more opportunities to choose Why it matters: This is more natural and avoids the unnecessary article.
- 11. Missing subject Original: things that do not even need Suggested revision: things that they do not even need Why it matters: The relative clause needs a subject.
- 12. Missing article Original: within few months Suggested revision: within a few months Why it matters: The phrase requires a before few.
Suggested Rewrites
- significantly advanced than that of the past significantly more advanced than in the past
- availability of cheap consumer products the availability of inexpensive consumer goods
- the living standard of people people's living standards
- the demerits of this trend the disadvantages of this trend
- the national and the international products national and international products
- at an acceptable price at an affordable price
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives a clear position that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages and discusses social, environmental, and consumer-behaviour effects. Some advantages are mentioned only briefly, so the balance is not fully developed.
Develop the advantage side with one clear paragraph before explaining why the disadvantages are stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and the argument generally progresses well. Some ideas overlap between paragraphs, especially throwaway culture and waste.
Group similar disadvantages together and use one paragraph for consumer behaviour and one for environmental impact.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic vocabulary, including globalisation, throwaway society, material possession, and environmental pollution. Some collocations are awkward or repetitive.
Replace broad or repeated expressions such as cheap availability and negative sides with more precise academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence control is generally good, with several complex structures. Minor article, number, and missing-object errors remain but rarely block meaning.
Edit for articles and plural agreement in noun phrases such as goods, prices, and standards.