Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Sample Response
It is true that people’s tendency to see films is decreasing in some places of the world. This essay examines the various reasons of this trend and tries to propose practical solutions for this menace towards film industry.
To begin with, people have no sufficient free time to do their leisure activities as they are busy with their responsibilities: both professional and individual. For example, most of the people in India are doing full- time jobs without a break to meet their increasing economic needs for the family. Therefore, they may not get chances for enjoying cinema with their family or friends. Moreover, quality of the film is another important reason. To explain, some filmmakers do some compromises in different sections such as casting, editing and visual effects, while making new films and create poor quality movies. Such type of movies makes boredom for the audience very easily and as a result, they have no interest to watch these. For all these reasons, cinema attendance is declining a greater extent in some nations. The availability of Smart TV, internet and computer has made it possible to enjoy movies at home and that is another reason people do not want to visit cinema often. However, there are several methods to tackle this issue effectively. Firstly, the government should reduce working load of people and make sure enough entertainment facilities for them in order to improve film attendance rate. In addition to that, the cost of film tickets should be reduced which would be helpful for ordinary people to buy film tickets from film theatres. Furthermore, all films should meet the basic standard to assure the quality. To be clear, standard films would be a visual treat for audiences and would also motivate them to watch again. By doing these methods issue can be solved to a certain extent.
To conclude, due to above-mentioned reasons people’s desire to watch movies is diminishing. I hope authority will consider the remedial measures to enhance cinema attendance.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural phrase Original: people’s tendency to see films Suggested revision: people's tendency to go to the cinema Why it matters: The task is about cinema attendance, not simply seeing films.
- 2. Natural phrase Original: places of the world Suggested revision: parts of the world Why it matters: This is the standard expression.
- 3. Preposition Original: reasons of this trend Suggested revision: reasons for this trend Why it matters: Reason for is the correct collocation.
- 4. Overdramatic phrase Original: this menace towards film industry Suggested revision: this problem for the film industry Why it matters: Menace towards is unnatural and too strong.
- 5. Natural quantifier Original: no sufficient free time Suggested revision: not enough free time Why it matters: This is the normal way to express insufficiency.
- 6. Word choice Original: individual Suggested revision: personal Why it matters: Personal is the natural contrast with professional.
- 7. General plural Original: most of the people Suggested revision: most people Why it matters: The article phrase is unnecessary.
- 8. Spacing Original: full- time jobs Suggested revision: full-time jobs Why it matters: The compound adjective should not have a space after the hyphen.
- 9. Natural phrase Original: increasing economic needs for the family Suggested revision: increasing family expenses Why it matters: This is more concise and idiomatic.
- 10. Collocation Original: chances for enjoying cinema Suggested revision: chances to enjoy cinema Why it matters: Chance to do something is the correct pattern.
- 11. Missing article Original: quality of the film Suggested revision: the quality of films Why it matters: The phrase needs an article and a general plural noun.
- 12. Collocation Original: do some compromises Suggested revision: make compromises Why it matters: Make compromises is the standard collocation.
Suggested Rewrites
- people’s tendency to see films people's tendency to go to the cinema
- places of the world parts of the world
- reasons of this trend reasons for this trend
- this menace towards film industry this problem for the film industry
- no sufficient free time not enough free time
- individual personal
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses both causes and measures, including lack of time, film quality, home technology, ticket prices, and standards. Some solutions are unrealistic or not explained enough.
Prioritise realistic measures that cinemas or governments can actually take, and explain how each one would increase attendance.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, but the body paragraph is overloaded with causes and solutions together. This reduces clarity of progression.
Use one paragraph for causes and a separate paragraph for solutions.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate and sometimes topic-specific, but several collocations are inaccurate, such as makes boredom and working load.
Revise collocations connected with cinema attendance, film quality, workload, and entertainment facilities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses some complex sentences, but errors in articles, prepositions, and verb patterns are frequent. Meaning is usually clear.
Edit noun phrases and prepositions after writing, especially with reasons, extent, authority, and film industry.