Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Living in a high standard level is the ultimate goal of many people. All of us are doing our best to live in comfort and peace. Governments try to satisfy their citizens' needs and provide them with all means of happiness and advance. To do this the economy of should be improved.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural phrase Original: a high standard level Suggested revision: a high standard of living Why it matters: This is the correct collocation for the topic.
- 2. General present Original: All of us are doing Suggested revision: All of us do Why it matters: Simple present is better for a general statement.
- 3. Wrong noun Original: all means of happiness and advance Suggested revision: all means of happiness and advancement Why it matters: Advancement is the noun form needed here.
- 4. Missing object Original: the economy of should be improved Suggested revision: the economy should be improved Why it matters: Of has no object and should be removed.
- 5. Parallel nouns Original: in comfort and peace Suggested revision: in comfort and in peace Why it matters: Repeating the preposition makes the paired nouns clearer.
- 6. Topic wording Original: citizens' needs Suggested revision: citizens’ material needs Why it matters: Adding material links the point more directly to economic development.
- 7. Clarify link Original: To do this Suggested revision: To raise living standards Why it matters: The reference this is too general in such a short response.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Governments try to satisfy their citizens' needs and provide them with all means of happiness and advance. Suggested revision: Governments try to satisfy citizens' needs by promoting economic growth, but they must also protect social values such as family ties and community trust. Why it matters: This rewrite begins to address both sides of the question.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Living in a high standard level is the ultimate goal of many people. Suggested revision: Many countries try to raise living standards through economic development, but this can also put pressure on social values. Why it matters: This opening would address the actual essay question more directly.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: All of us are doing our best to live in comfort and peace. Suggested revision: People generally want financial security, reliable services, and a peaceful community. Why it matters: The rewrite uses more precise topic vocabulary.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: To do this the economy of should be improved. Suggested revision: To do this, the economy should be improved through job creation, investment, and better public services. Why it matters: This fixes the grammar and adds relevant development.
- 12. Complete the Essay Suggested revision: Expand this into at least 250 words with a clear position on whether economic development has more advantages than disadvantages. Why it matters: The current response is much too short and does not answer the main question.
Suggested Rewrites
- a high standard level a high standard of living
- All of us are doing All of us do
- all means of happiness and advance all means of happiness and advancement
- the economy of should be improved the economy should be improved
- in comfort and peace in comfort and in peace
- citizens' needs citizens’ material needs
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response is far below the 250-word minimum and does not answer whether the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages. It introduces living standards and government aims but stops before presenting an argument.
Write a full essay with a clear opinion, one paragraph on economic benefits, and one paragraph on possible social costs.
Coherence and Cohesion
There are only a few connected sentences and no full essay structure. Basic progression is present from living standards to government action, but the argument is incomplete.
Use four paragraphs: introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is limited but generally understandable, with words such as comfort, peace, citizens, and economy. Some word choices are vague or inaccurate.
Use topic-specific vocabulary such as economic growth, living standards, social values, materialism, inequality, and community ties.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple sentence control is partly successful, but the final sentence contains a serious missing noun error. The limited length makes it hard to show grammatical range.
Practise complete sentence patterns and make sure every preposition has a clear object.