Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Over the last few decades, many countries are aggressively involved in improving the economic condition and uplifting the living standard of the people. Whereas, on the other hand, there are also people who believe that in the race of improving the living standard, people are neglecting the social values. I also believe that people nowadays are more concerned about possessing materialistic success which has overshadowed the need for social values.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Tense choice Original: many countries are aggressively involved Suggested revision: many countries have been actively involved Why it matters: Present perfect better fits the time phrase over the last few decades.
- 2. Natural phrase Original: improving the economic condition Suggested revision: improving economic conditions Why it matters: Use the plural phrase for a country's overall economic situation.
- 3. Wrong collocation Original: uplifting the living standard Suggested revision: raising the standard of living Why it matters: Raise the standard of living is the natural collocation.
- 4. Fragmented linker Original: Whereas, on the other hand Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: Whereas creates a fragment here and should be removed.
- 5. Preposition error Original: in the race of improving Suggested revision: in the race to improve Why it matters: Race to improve is the correct structure.
- 6. Natural collocation Original: possessing materialistic success Suggested revision: achieving material success Why it matters: Achieve material success is more natural than possess materialistic success.
- 7. Develop this idea Original: has overshadowed the need for social values Suggested revision: has weakened respect for social values such as family ties and community responsibility Why it matters: The point needs examples to become a developed argument.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Over the last few decades, many countries are aggressively involved in improving the economic condition and uplifting the living standard of the people. Suggested revision: Over the last few decades, many countries have worked actively to improve economic conditions and raise people's standard of living. Why it matters: This fixes tense and uses more natural collocations.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Whereas, on the other hand, there are also people who believe that in the race of improving the living standard, people are neglecting the social values. Suggested revision: On the other hand, some people believe that, in the race to improve living standards, societies are neglecting social values. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the fragment and improves sentence control.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: I also believe that people nowadays are more concerned about possessing materialistic success which has overshadowed the need for social values. Suggested revision: I believe that although economic development can improve daily life, excessive focus on material success can weaken social values. Why it matters: This creates a clearer thesis that could lead into a balanced essay.
- 11. Severely underdeveloped Suggested revision: Expand this into a full Task 2 essay of at least 250 words. Add body paragraphs with examples and a clear outweigh judgement. Why it matters: A single short paragraph cannot meet the task requirements.
- 12. Add essay structure Suggested revision: After the introduction, write one paragraph on advantages such as jobs and healthcare, one on disadvantages such as consumerism and weaker community bonds, and a final conclusion. Why it matters: The current response has no body paragraphs or conclusion.
Suggested Rewrites
- many countries are aggressively involved many countries have been actively involved
- improving the economic condition improving economic conditions
- uplifting the living standard raising the standard of living
- Whereas, on the other hand On the other hand
- in the race of improving in the race to improve
- possessing materialistic success achieving material success
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response is far below the expected Task 2 length and only gives an introduction. It states a relevant concern about economic development and social values, but it does not develop advantages, disadvantages, examples, or a clear answer to whether advantages outweigh disadvantages.
Write a full essay of at least 250 words with one paragraph on economic benefits, one paragraph on social-value costs, and a conclusion that clearly weighs them.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a basic opening and a thesis-like sentence, but no developed essay structure. The fragment Whereas, on the other hand disrupts cohesion, and there are no body paragraphs or conclusion.
Use four clear paragraphs: introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant and includes economic condition, living standard, social values, and materialistic success. Range is limited because the response is very short, and some collocations are unnatural.
Develop topic vocabulary with employment, infrastructure, healthcare, consumerism, community bonds, inequality, and cultural traditions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The grammar is understandable but limited by the short response. There are errors in tense, sentence fragments, articles, and word form.
Avoid sentence fragments and check tense consistency when discussing current trends.