Problems with environmental pollution have become so serious that many countries are trying to solve these problems. Suggest possible solutions and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In the last century, environmental pollution has become increasingly worse. One of the major causes of this phenomenon is human activity. This topic is significantly important because there is only one Earth to live in. This essay will suggest some possible solutions to this issue.
First of all, one solution to resolve this dilemma could be to reduce the number of cars on roads by encouraging the use of public transports. This could be managed through cooperation between governments and individuals. For illustrations, governments could ensure that public transport is more affordable and convenient for the general public; this might help to reduce car emissions to the atmosphere.
Another solution to combat environmental pollution is via education. By this, I mean that both parents and educators should raise awareness by teaching children from a young age how crucial it is to look after the environment. For instance, it has been proven that younger children pick-up information more quickly and follows the instruction given by teachers and parents. As this is the next generation who will inherit the Earth, their sense of responsibility is important to address this issue. Also, the governments should introduce laws to limit the deforestation in many countries around the world to ensure that there are enough green forests, fortunately, there are many nations who have already introduced these laws such as the USA.
To conclude, this essay has discussed some of the possible solutions in order to help tackle the problem. In my opinion, reducing the numbers of cars and educating the next generation are key factors in helping to save the planet, perhaps in the future if those ideas are approved the world will be greener and safer.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Overstated phrase Original: resolve this dilemma Suggested revision: address this problem Why it matters: Address this problem is more natural for environmental pollution.
- 2. Missing article Original: on roads Suggested revision: on the roads Why it matters: The definite article is natural when referring to roads in general within a country.
- 3. Uncountable noun Original: public transports Suggested revision: public transport Why it matters: Public transport is normally uncountable in this context.
- 4. Wrong linker Original: For illustrations Suggested revision: For example Why it matters: For example is the standard phrase for introducing an example.
- 5. Collocation issue Original: emissions to the atmosphere Suggested revision: emissions released into the atmosphere Why it matters: Released into the atmosphere is the more natural collocation.
- 6. Formal but vague Original: via education Suggested revision: through education Why it matters: Through education is clearer and more natural here.
- 7. Wrong verb form Original: pick-up information Suggested revision: pick up information Why it matters: The phrasal verb should not be hyphenated here.
- 8. Agreement error Original: follows the instruction Suggested revision: follow the instructions Why it matters: Children is plural, so the verb and noun should both be plural.
- 9. Awkward reference Original: As this is the next generation Suggested revision: Since they are the next generation Why it matters: They clearly refers back to children.
- 10. Article use Original: the governments Suggested revision: governments Why it matters: Use governments without the article when speaking generally.
- 11. Article error Original: limit the deforestation Suggested revision: limit deforestation Why it matters: Deforestation is used generally here and does not need the.
- 12. Comma splice Original: green forests, fortunately Suggested revision: green forests. Fortunately, Why it matters: Two complete sentences should not be joined only by a comma.
Suggested Rewrites
- resolve this dilemma address this problem
- on roads on the roads
- public transports public transport
- For illustrations For example
- emissions to the atmosphere emissions released into the atmosphere
- via education through education
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses the task by suggesting transport improvements, education, and anti-deforestation laws, and it gives an opinion in the conclusion. The ideas are relevant, but some are general and the opinion is not strongly developed beyond agreeing with the proposed solutions.
Make your opinion explicit in the introduction and explain why the two most important solutions should be prioritised.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is clearly paragraphed and progression is easy to follow. Cohesion is generally effective, but there are some mechanical phrases and a comma splice in the long paragraph on education and deforestation.
Keep one main solution per paragraph or split the education and deforestation law points into separate paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic, with phrases such as environmental pollution, public transport, car emissions, raise awareness, and deforestation. Accuracy is affected by collocation errors such as public transports, For illustrations, pick-up information, and ideas are approved.
Use natural environmental and policy collocations, including public transport, for example, absorb information, introduce laws, and measures are adopted.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, but errors in plural nouns, agreement, punctuation, and articles are noticeable. Meaning remains clear, though sentence control weakens in the third paragraph.
Check plural nouns after general references and separate long sentences that join two complete ideas with only a comma.