If we look back at history it is seen that violence and conflict were evident under male leadership than female leadership. Does this suggest that female leadership is a better option? Would it ensure the peace and better growth in the society? What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
The history of world civilisation holds innumerable stories and sagas of brutal and terrifying battles. In the continuum of kingdoms, the number of male rulers outnumbers female rulers. And this fact aroused debatable though among people whether all the historical wars or disputes were a result of male dictatorship. Protagonists believe that female leadership is a solution to discourage such lethal trend to occur in future, whereas dissenters refute this idea. I am in consummate discord with the proposal that bringing female leadership in place is a solution to control those disasters.
In order to reinforce my view, a number of arguments could be presented. Firstly, a situation such as a war, dispute, and riot cannot be easily attributed to a gender of a leader. There are various agendas hidden behind such actions. For example, a country would engage in a war to retaliate its adversary. A tumult or riot could have engendered due to dissatisfaction or frustration of common public in the response to a governmental policy. The history has witnessed several male leaders who brought peace and freedom in the world, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and Nelson Mandela to name a few. History also has some examples where war was carried out under the leadership of female ruler. For example, the then Prime Minister of Great Britain, Margaret Thatcher had to take an extremely difficult decision to announce for a war to reciprocate to an imminent danger. So, it can be seen that a leader, irrespective of its gender, has to undergo server decision-making process due to unavoidable circumstances.
However, talking about female leadership, a country could benefit from it to great extent. The reason behind it is that females bring a different perspective of thought and can analyse the matter from a different angle. They usually tend to be inclined towards improving the living conditions of citizens and empowering the women legion. A survey conducted by Harvard Business University reveals that female leaders possess higher Emotional Quotient (EQ) than their male counterparts. This could be one reason why female leader could make a difference in a society.
To sum up, after contemplating all the viewpoints of the topic at hand, I would reiterate that although female leadership has its own merits, but that cannot be the solution to eradicate conflict or warship from society or the world. On pragmatic cognizance, one can discern that in order to reinforce peace and wisdom, a true leader will have to stand with its people in solidarity and instil harmony in other parts of the world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Spelling and phrasing Original: aroused debatable though among people Suggested revision: raised debate among people Why it matters: Though appears to be a spelling error for thought, and the whole phrase is unnatural.
- 2. More precise noun Original: lethal trend Suggested revision: violent trend Why it matters: Violent is clearer for wars and conflicts.
- 3. Over-formal phrase Original: consummate discord Suggested revision: complete disagreement Why it matters: The phrase is unnecessarily obscure and sounds unnatural.
- 4. Natural phrase Original: bringing female leadership in place Suggested revision: putting women in leadership positions Why it matters: This is clearer and more idiomatic.
- 5. Article use Original: to a gender of a leader Suggested revision: to the gender of a leader Why it matters: The specific attribute needs the definite article.
- 6. Verb pattern Original: retaliate its adversary Suggested revision: retaliate against its adversary Why it matters: Retaliate takes against before the object.
- 7. Passive form Original: A tumult or riot could have engendered Suggested revision: A riot could have been caused Why it matters: The passive construction needs been and a more natural verb.
- 8. Article deletion Original: in the response to a governmental policy Suggested revision: in response to a government policy Why it matters: In response to is the fixed phrase.
- 9. Article use Original: The history has witnessed Suggested revision: History has witnessed Why it matters: History in general does not need the article here.
- 10. Missing article Original: female ruler Suggested revision: a female ruler Why it matters: A singular countable noun needs an article.
- 11. Verb pattern Original: announce for a war Suggested revision: declare war Why it matters: Declare war is the correct collocation.
- 12. Wrong verb Original: reciprocate to an imminent danger Suggested revision: respond to an imminent danger Why it matters: Reciprocate is not appropriate for reacting to danger.
Suggested Rewrites
- aroused debatable though among people raised debate among people
- lethal trend violent trend
- consummate discord complete disagreement
- bringing female leadership in place putting women in leadership positions
- to a gender of a leader to the gender of a leader
- retaliate its adversary retaliate against its adversary
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives a clear opinion that female leadership alone will not ensure peace, and it considers both gender-neutral causes of conflict and possible benefits of female leadership. Some claims are broad and examples need tighter explanation.
Keep the balanced position but develop how leadership qualities, institutions, and context matter more than gender alone.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and progression are generally clear, with an introduction, main argument, concession, and conclusion. Some long sentences and heavy phrasing slow the flow.
Use clearer topic sentences and shorten dense sentences so the argument remains easy to follow.
Lexical Resource
The essay shows a wide range of vocabulary, but it is sometimes over-formal or inaccurate, such as consummate discord, warship, and pragmatic cognizance.
Choose precise academic words over decorative phrasing, especially in the introduction and conclusion.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is attempted, but there are errors in articles, pronoun reference, agreement, and word form. These errors rarely block meaning but reduce polish.
Check articles and pronouns after abstract nouns such as leader, leadership, and society.