Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Have you ever thought about being a judge? There may be various situations in our daily lives in which our judgments are needed to be expressed. But is it really as simple as the situations we encounter every day when it comes to judging serious crimes? For a long time, it has been a controversial issue whether there must be fixed punishments for any kind of crime or the incentive is an influential factor that is crucial to be considered. I personally approve of the latter belief since there are a lot of crimes in which the criminal is not really guilty.
On the one hand, a group of people dogmatically believe the punishment for any crime ought to be fixed regardless of the crime’s motive. They state that if felons know there is severe punishment even for small crimes, they are hindered and will never attempt to commit a crime. Therefore, the violence and crime rates decline considerably and thus a better society we will have. For instance, in Saudi Arabia, the punishment for robbery is of one the robber’s hands being cut irrespective of what he has stolen, an apple or a car.
On the other hand, the other group of society argues that where the felony stems from must be investigated and the motivation should be taken into consideration when sentencing a criminal. As a justification, they cite that there are situations in which the crime has not been done deliberately or the culprit is not the real wrongdoer. In particular, in an involuntary homicide, the killer might be the victim since it might have self-defence or a robbery for feeding a family differs from robbing for profit. In this case, the judge is who can decide the best penalty considering every aspect and condition of crime perpetration.
On the whole, even though fixed punishments can be extremely beneficial in the decrease of crime rate and may culminate in a safer society, the justice system should be flexible enough towards certain felonies and consider the crime’s rationale and conditions for giving the most appropriate verdict.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Academic opening Original: Have you ever thought about being a judge? Suggested revision: Sentencing criminals is a difficult responsibility. Why it matters: A rhetorical question sounds informal for IELTS Task 2.
- 2. Passive structure Original: our judgments are needed to be expressed Suggested revision: we need to express our judgments Why it matters: The original passive form is awkward and unnatural.
- 3. Wrong term Original: the incentive is an influential factor Suggested revision: the motive is an important factor Why it matters: Motive is the correct word for the reason behind a crime.
- 4. Natural position Original: I personally approve of the latter belief Suggested revision: I support the latter view Why it matters: Support a view is a more natural academic collocation.
- 5. Precise claim Original: the criminal is not really guilty Suggested revision: the offender's guilt is less clear or less severe Why it matters: The original overstates the point and weakens the reasoning.
- 6. Loaded word Original: dogmatically believe Suggested revision: firmly believe Why it matters: Dogmatically sounds unnecessarily judgmental.
- 7. Wrong verb Original: they are hindered Suggested revision: they are deterred Why it matters: Deterred is the correct verb for preventing crime through punishment.
- 8. Word order Original: thus a better society we will have Suggested revision: thus we will have a better society Why it matters: The sentence uses unnatural word order.
- 9. Missing word Original: is of one the robber’s hands being cut Suggested revision: is that one of the robber's hands is cut off Why it matters: The original phrase is grammatically incomplete.
- 10. Natural reference Original: the other group of society Suggested revision: others in society Why it matters: This is a clearer way to introduce the second view.
- 11. Clear clause Original: where the felony stems from must be investigated Suggested revision: the source of the felony must be investigated Why it matters: The original clause is understandable but awkward.
- 12. Cleft structure Original: the judge is who can decide Suggested revision: the judge is the person who can decide Why it matters: The phrase needs a noun before the relative clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- Have you ever thought about being a judge? Sentencing criminals is a difficult responsibility.
- our judgments are needed to be expressed we need to express our judgments
- the incentive is an influential factor the motive is an important factor
- I personally approve of the latter belief I support the latter view
- the criminal is not really guilty the offender's guilt is less clear or less severe
- dogmatically believe firmly believe
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response discusses both fixed punishments and individual circumstances and gives a clear opinion. Examples are relevant, though the introduction is lengthy and one example is expressed too absolutely.
Shorten the rhetorical opening and use more balanced examples that directly compare fairness, deterrence, and proportionality.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well paragraphed with a clear discuss-both-views structure. Some sentences are dense and transitions occasionally rely on broad phrases rather than precise logical links.
Make each paragraph's controlling idea explicit in the first sentence and reduce long sentences with several embedded clauses.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often topic-appropriate, including terms such as motive, sentencing, felony, and verdict. Some word choices are unnatural or overformal and a few collocations are inaccurate.
Prefer precise legal terms and avoid heavy phrases when a simpler word would be clearer.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a good range of complex structures, but errors in clause structure, agreement, articles, and prepositions occur throughout. Meaning remains clear despite these issues.
Check long sentences for missing subjects, incorrect passive structures, and article-preposition combinations.