Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Some people argue whether criminals should always be subject to fixed punishment for certain crimes or situations for committing the crime should be taken into account before inflicting punishment. This essay will examine both sides of the argument, but I am personally inclined to the latter view that suggests considering circumstances of a crime while sentencing someone.
On the one hand, criminal activities have reduced significantly over the centuries in the history of humankind. Fixed punishments like the death penalty, life imprisonment for drug trafficking deter an offender from such heinous crimes. The ruthlessness of such harsh punishments ensured safety and security in society. For instance, according to a publication on criminal justice from the C.I.A, many middle countries have been consistently ranking near top regarding achieving a low-crime index due to their aggressive law for enforcing fixed punishments for designated crimes. Nevertheless, the main objective of the law and order is to protect the innocents and punish the wrongdoers. The fixed punishment often contradicts with the fundamental objective of civil society.
On the other hand, persecuting a convict violate human rights; often without considering the aspects leading to such crime. Consider Saudi Arabia, ranked as the country with the lowest crime index in the world. The state’s implementation of a strict fundamentalist approach to persecute criminals regardless of the circumstances of the crime has drawn flak from many human rights organisations. Amnesty International reported that fair trials are prohibited to criminals even if they are wrongly convicted. Finally, in my opinion, a convicted person should be given punishment only based on the circumstances and severity of the crime. For example, if someone murders in the act of self-defence, the verdict given should not amount to life-sentence.
In conclusion, I believe that both groups of the argument, for and against the fixed punishments, have their reasons. However, I think that penalties should be decided according to variant circumstances of criminals and keeping in mind that the aim of punishment to prevent further crimes to happen.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unclear noun phrase Original: situations for committing the crime Suggested revision: the circumstances of the crime Why it matters: This is the correct phrase for factors surrounding an offence.
- 2. Legal collocation Original: inflicting punishment Suggested revision: imposing punishment Why it matters: Impose punishment is the more natural legal collocation.
- 3. Unsupported broad claim Original: criminal activities have reduced significantly Suggested revision: some criminal activities may be reduced Why it matters: The claim is too sweeping without evidence.
- 4. Parallel list Original: the death penalty, life imprisonment for drug trafficking Suggested revision: the death penalty and life imprisonment for drug trafficking Why it matters: The list needs a clearer conjunction.
- 5. Plural agreement Original: deter an offender Suggested revision: deter offenders Why it matters: The sentence refers to offenders generally.
- 6. Tense consistency Original: ensured safety and security Suggested revision: can ensure safety and security Why it matters: Present modal form suits a general argument.
- 7. Wrong phrase Original: many middle countries Suggested revision: many Middle Eastern countries Why it matters: Middle countries is not a meaningful expression here.
- 8. Awkward ranking phrase Original: near top regarding achieving a low-crime index Suggested revision: near the top for low crime rates Why it matters: This is clearer and more natural.
- 9. Precise noun Original: law and order Suggested revision: the justice system Why it matters: The essay is discussing punishment decisions rather than general public order.
- 10. Verb pattern Original: contradicts with Suggested revision: contradicts Why it matters: Contradict is a transitive verb and does not take with.
- 11. Wrong legal verb Original: persecuting a convict Suggested revision: punishing a convict Why it matters: Persecute means harass or oppress, not sentence legally.
- 12. Subject agreement Original: violate human rights Suggested revision: violates human rights Why it matters: The gerund phrase is singular.
Suggested Rewrites
- situations for committing the crime the circumstances of the crime
- inflicting punishment imposing punishment
- criminal activities have reduced significantly some criminal activities may be reduced
- the death penalty, life imprisonment for drug trafficking the death penalty and life imprisonment for drug trafficking
- deter an offender deter offenders
- ensured safety and security can ensure safety and security
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response discusses both views and gives a clear preference for considering circumstances. The argument is relevant, though some examples are overgeneralised or unsupported and the fixed-punishment side could be more clearly separated from criticism.
Explain the advantages of fixed penalties more fairly before showing why individual circumstances should still influence sentencing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay uses paragraphing and logical contrast, but some ideas are crowded into long paragraphs and the opinion appears inside the second body paragraph rather than being developed separately.
Give your opinion its own final body section and use clearer links between deterrence, fairness, and human rights.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a reasonable range of legal and social vocabulary. Inaccurate word choices such as persecuting, middle countries, drawn flak, and variant circumstances reduce precision.
Replace imprecise legal vocabulary with terms such as prosecuting, sentencing, mitigating circumstances, and fair trial.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted and meaning is mostly clear. Errors with agreement, prepositions, articles, and verb patterns are frequent enough to affect accuracy.
Check subject-verb agreement and preposition choice in each complex sentence.