In many countries, students take a year gap after finishing school and work or travel during this period. Should students take a gap year before attending universities? What are the advantages and disadvantages of it?
Sample Response
In recent days, it is quite common for young adults having a break time after graduating from secondary school. It is not the case of rich people choosing travelling as a destination while poor young adults prefer to work in spite of entering university for a period of time. I personally believe that there will be a number of positives and drawbacks in both cases.
The reasons for this issue may involve the recognition of restricting knowledge and experiences in entering university studies, comparison with deciding to work or take a journey which will give a broader view of life. The young adult will be better on the resources of the personal life because for both cases are able to develop them as the independent people. Students deciding work or explore the beauty of world definitely gain some practical experiences and recognise the meaning of life rather than spending much time with some papers or plenty of assignments.
On the other hand, the disadvantages of both cases perhaps make people not interested again in continuing their study. They may end their study because of enjoying their daily life. Moreover, they may face some problems in adapting academic environment after spending a lot of time in work field or adventures. Therefore they probably think that it is better to pursue a career in particular jobs or do something different which can make this life full of colours in spite of studying in university. However, it will be less of people deciding break because to obtain a better future academic qualification as a primary of requirements.
In conclusion, having off time for young adults after graduating secondary school is not a wrong decision. They may argue that spending time for gaining greater experiences is one way to enjoy this life before coming to the environment which has many differences from the previous study.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unnatural time phrase Original: In recent days Suggested revision: Nowadays Why it matters: Nowadays is the natural phrase for a current social trend.
- 2. Verb form error Original: young adults having a break time Suggested revision: young adults to take a break Why it matters: It is common for someone to do something is the correct pattern.
- 3. Unclear contrast Original: It is not the case of rich people choosing travelling as a destination while poor young adults prefer to work in spite of entering university Suggested revision: Some students travel during this year, while others work before entering university Why it matters: The original contrast about rich and poor students is unclear and not well connected to the task.
- 4. Unclear phrase Original: recognition of restricting knowledge Suggested revision: recognition of limited knowledge Why it matters: Restricting knowledge does not express the intended idea.
- 5. Faulty structure Original: comparison with deciding Suggested revision: compared with deciding Why it matters: The sentence needs a grammatical comparison phrase.
- 6. Unclear wording Original: better on the resources of the personal life Suggested revision: better prepared for adult life Why it matters: The original phrase is not idiomatic and the meaning is unclear.
- 7. Pronoun and article error Original: develop them as the independent people Suggested revision: develop themselves as independent people Why it matters: Use the reflexive pronoun and remove the unnecessary article.
- 8. Missing infinitive Original: Students deciding work Suggested revision: Students deciding to work Why it matters: Decide should be followed by to plus verb.
- 9. Missing article Original: beauty of world Suggested revision: beauty of the world Why it matters: The noun world needs the article the in this phrase.
- 10. Unnatural phrase Original: spending much time with some papers Suggested revision: spending a lot of time on assignments Why it matters: The original phrase does not naturally describe university study.
- 11. Awkward phrase Original: not interested again Suggested revision: no longer interested Why it matters: No longer interested is the natural expression.
- 12. Missing preposition Original: adapting academic environment Suggested revision: adapting to the academic environment Why it matters: Adapt requires to before the thing someone adjusts to.
Suggested Rewrites
- In recent days Nowadays
- young adults having a break time young adults to take a break
- It is not the case of rich people choosing travelling as a destination while poor young adults prefer to work in spite of entering university Some students travel during this year, while others work before entering university
- recognition of restricting knowledge recognition of limited knowledge
- comparison with deciding compared with deciding
- better on the resources of the personal life better prepared for adult life
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses some advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, such as gaining experience and losing interest in study. However, the response does not clearly answer whether students should take a gap year, and several ideas are vague or difficult to connect to the task.
State a clear position in the introduction and conclusion, then develop one advantage and one disadvantage with concrete examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a basic four-paragraph structure, but progression is uneven because several sentences are hard to follow and the introduction contains confusing contrasts. Linking words are present, but they do not always show precise relationships between ideas.
Use one controlling idea per body paragraph: benefits of work or travel first, then risks of delaying university.
Lexical Resource
The topic vocabulary is sufficient to discuss work, travel, university, experience, and academic qualifications. Lexical control is limited by frequent unnatural phrases such as having a break time, beauty of world, work field, and primary of requirements.
Learn natural phrases for this topic: take a gap year, gain practical experience, return to academic study, and improve future prospects.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Errors in sentence structure, articles, verb patterns, and noun phrases are frequent. Meaning is sometimes unclear, especially in the first two body paragraphs, though the general argument can still be followed.
Write shorter sentences with a clear subject and verb before adding comparison or contrast clauses.