Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
A group of people believe that governments should provide subsidies for unpopular or amateur artists, while other people think that artistic people should be subsidised from another resource. The following essay will discuss both opinions, but in my personal opinion, I believe that governments should fund them before they are sponsored by alternative sources.
Several people believe that creative artist such as street painters and musicians should not be subsidised by the governments. They think that art activities are not the basic need of human beings, and governments should focus on more important matters. For example, rather than spending some budget for these street artists, the fund could be allocated for improving the public education sectors, public transportations or public facilities. They think that creative artist should seek sponsorship from private institutions or private companies.
For several reasons, some people believe that creative artist should be funded by governments. Firstly, many amateur painters have painted some of the public areas, and they have changed the look and the atmosphere of these places from a negative aura into a positive one. Secondly, some talented artists have made artistic sculptures and placed them in public areas such as in the parks, and they have made the parks become more beautiful and attractive. Thirdly, many amateur musicians who are performing in public areas, such as in subways or in bus terminals have entertained the public with their music. Therefore, it is undeniable that the existence of these artists brings benefits for the society and governments should subsidise them.
In conclusion, people have different opinions about funding creative artists. Some people think that they should be funded by governments, while others believe that they should be subsidised by other resources. In my point of view, I think governments should allocate some budget for amateur artists as they bring benefits for individuals and communities, but once they have become professional, they should seek sponsorship from other resources, and the government should stop providing the subsidy.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use task wording Original: artistic people Suggested revision: creative artists Why it matters: The task phrase is more precise and natural.
- 2. Use plural source Original: another resource Suggested revision: other sources Why it matters: The prompt refers to alternative sources generally.
- 3. Use task phrase Original: both opinions Suggested revision: both views Why it matters: This matches the discussion-essay prompt more naturally.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: creative artist Suggested revision: creative artists Why it matters: The essay discusses artists generally.
- 5. Use plural noun Original: the basic need Suggested revision: a basic need Why it matters: For a general category, use “a basic need” or “basic needs.”
- 6. Use natural phrase Original: art activities Suggested revision: artistic activities Why it matters: The adjective form is more natural.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: spending some budget Suggested revision: spending part of the budget Why it matters: This is the more idiomatic budget phrase.
- 8. Use singular sector Original: public education sectors Suggested revision: public education sector Why it matters: “Sector” is usually singular when referring to one area of policy.
- 9. Use uncountable noun Original: public transportations Suggested revision: public transport Why it matters: “Transport” is normally uncountable in this context.
- 10. Use plural noun Original: creative artist should seek Suggested revision: creative artists should seek Why it matters: The statement refers to artists generally.
- 11. Signal second view Original: For several reasons Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: This paragraph presents the opposing view, so a contrast marker is clearer.
- 12. Simplify phrase Original: have painted some of the public areas Suggested revision: have painted public areas Why it matters: “Some of the” is unnecessary here.
Suggested Rewrites
- artistic people creative artists
- another resource other sources
- both opinions both views
- creative artist creative artists
- the basic need a basic need
- art activities artistic activities
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response discusses both views and gives a clear opinion that governments should support amateur artists until they can find alternative funding. The ideas are relevant and developed, though some examples could be more precise.
Add a stronger explanation of why public benefit justifies government funding, and show when private funding becomes more appropriate.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into opposing view, supporting view, and conclusion. Cohesive devices are clear, but some paragraph openings are repetitive.
Vary paragraph openings and use clearer contrast language between public priorities and cultural benefits.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is appropriate for the topic, with subsidies, sponsorship, public facilities, sculptures, and communities. Some repeated or inaccurate phrases reduce lexical control.
Use plural forms and precise nouns, such as "creative artists", "alternative sources", and "public funding".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay contains a mix of sentence types and generally communicates well. Errors with singular/plural nouns, articles, and prepositions appear regularly.
Proofread repeated noun phrases such as "creative artists" and check article use before singular countable nouns.