In many cities crime is increasing. Why do you think this is happening? What can governments do to help reduce crime levels?
Sample Response
Crime is a very old phenomenon and no one knows when it actually started. The sad fact is that crime rate is increasing including killing, stealing, robbing, kidnapping, rape… etc. Actually, there are many reasons for that awful and miserable phenomenon.
Some people always look at other peoples' properties and not pleased with what they have. And that, of course, leads to hatred and then lead to misdeeds. Moreover, some people are psychiatric disordered and which in turn leads to violence. Another thing that we should take care of is the lack of necessary money; many criminals would not have become criminals if they had had enough money and other daily needs for themselves and their families. In a recent study about crimes and their reasons, professor Kathy Mac James said that 85% gangsters joined gangs due to the shortage of social welfare. She protested that this majority of gangsters were either orphan who didn't get enough care during childhood and adolescence or not married. Now it is the time to raise an important
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article or plural the crime rate is increasing
- 2. Parallel nouns murder, theft, robbery, kidnapping and rape
- 3. Informal list ending Delete
- 4. Over-emotional wording serious social problem
- 5. Possessive form other people's property
- 6. Missing verb are not pleased with what they have
- 7. Agreement then leads to crime
- 8. Wrong word form mentally ill
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response is under length and incomplete. It discusses causes but does not answer what governments can do, so a major part of the task is missing.
Add a full second body paragraph on government solutions, such as welfare support, policing, education, rehabilitation, and youth programmes.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is basic paragraphing, but progression stops mid-idea and the response has no conclusion or solution section.
Plan four paragraphs before writing: introduction, causes, government actions, conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary has some range for crime and social issues, but several expressions are inaccurate or too informal.
Use precise terms such as crime rates, property crime, violent crime, poverty, mental illness, social welfare, and prevention.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar errors in agreement, sentence fragments, and word forms reduce clarity, though some ideas remain understandable.
Write shorter sentences and check each clause for subject-verb agreement and complete structure.