In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay Correction
Student Essay
Nowadays, it has become a significant trend in some countries that owning a home is seen as more important than renting. In this essay, I will briefly examine the reasons behind this situation and discuss whether it has a positive or negative impact.
In general, in many countries property ownership is a symbol of wealth. For example, in China it is common that the parents disapprove of their daughter marrying a man without a decent house. They think a suitable property is a key to a successful marriage because it provides stability. In addition, people worry that they cannot afford a property if they do not buy one as soon as possible, as a result that the price of a house has consistently risen. For instance, Irish house prices have dramatically increased by 50% in the last 5 years.
From my point of view, I acknowledge owning a home has some reasonable reasons, however the belief that owning a home is better than renting has more negative than positive outcomes which will make young people living under heavy pressure due to the high price. Moreover, people who own a home are not willing to move to a new area for living or work. It makes society less dynamic and reduce the creativity .
In conclusion, although choosing to own a home makes sense , if people believe it is better than renting, it might create a negative situation. It will lead to the growth of pressure on people and decline the dynamism of society. Ideally, people should be free to choose whichever way suits their circumstances.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. possessive gerund disapprove of their daughter's marrying
- 2. incorrect linker with the result that the price of housing has consistently risen
- 3. redundant phrasing homeownership is driven by valid motivations
- 4. verb pattern error which forces young people to live under heavy pressure
- 5. parallel structure to live or work
- 6. subject-verb agreement reduces creativity.
- 7. incorrect collocation reduce the dynamism of society
- 8. Outline thesis In this essay, I will examine how financial security drives this trend, and argue that this obsession with homeownership ultimately has negative consequences for social mobility.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The candidate addresses both parts of the prompt. The reasons for owning a home are clearly explained with relevant examples (China and Ireland). The position on whether this is positive or negative is clear, arguing that it is mostly negative.
To improve, ensure the introduction outlines your specific position rather than just stating you will 'discuss whether it has a positive or negative impact'.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphing. Cohesive devices are used, though some transitions are slightly repetitive or mechanical.
Work on smoother transitions between sentences and avoid starting paragraphs with overly formulaic phrases like 'From my point of view'.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, with some good collocations like 'property ownership' and 'successful marriage'. However, there are some repetitive word choices and minor collocations errors.
Vary your vocabulary to avoid repeating words like 'people', 'home', and 'pressure', and learn correct collocations for verbs of change (e.g., 'reduce dynamism' instead of 'decline the dynamism').
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The candidate uses a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors, particularly with article usage, subject-verb agreement, and prepositional phrases.
Focus on mastering relative clauses and participle clauses (e.g., 'making young people live' instead of 'make young people living').