Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of giving international aids to poor countries.
Sample Response
Over recent decades, many international institutes have been established all around the world with the objective of supporting the low-income communities. However, there are some various points of view about positive or negative results of the philosophy of such help. In this essay, it is going to be assessed the merits and demerits of conducting poor countries internationally.
As the outstanding effect on low-level nations thanks to being sported by other countries, is that the rate of death resulting from malnutrition decrease. In addition, the health of the countries could improve because of supporting drugs and medical facilities. For instance, it is heard on the news that in some African countries, many people do not have even anything to eat and/or any initial health facilities.
On the other hand, some individuals take issue with the idea that these helps contribute to some side effects. By the way of illustration, it could weaken the countries receiving aids and causes those to not to attempt for improving their situation. Moreover, it might transform them into consumer communities which always need other countries supports to being alive. Additionally, receiving external aids could lead those countries to the level that they pay no heed to their own natural resources.
In conclusion, even though we could not disregard the fact that some poor countries widely need to be supported, the advanced societies could adopt the decisions that help those countries to positively change their environment by utilising their own existing abilities and resources.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Word choice Original: international institutes Suggested revision: international institutions Why it matters: Institutions is the more natural word for organisations.
- 2. General plural Original: the low-income communities Suggested revision: low-income communities Why it matters: The article is unnecessary when speaking generally.
- 3. Redundant phrase Original: some various points of view Suggested revision: various points of view Why it matters: Some and various repeat the same idea.
- 4. Awkward passive Original: it is going to be assessed Suggested revision: this essay will assess Why it matters: A clear active structure is more accurate.
- 5. Unclear meaning Original: conducting poor countries internationally Suggested revision: supporting poor countries through international aid Why it matters: The original phrase does not convey the intended meaning.
- 6. Inappropriate term Original: low-level nations Suggested revision: low-income nations Why it matters: Low-level is not an appropriate description of countries.
- 7. Wrong word Original: being sported by other countries Suggested revision: being supported by other countries Why it matters: Sported is a spelling or word-choice error here.
- 8. Agreement Original: malnutrition decrease Suggested revision: malnutrition decreases Why it matters: The singular subject rate requires a singular verb.
- 9. Wrong collocation Original: supporting drugs Suggested revision: supplied medicines Why it matters: Supporting drugs is not a natural phrase for medical aid.
- 10. Uncountable noun Original: these helps Suggested revision: this help Why it matters: Help is normally uncountable in this meaning.
- 11. Verb pattern Original: causes those to not to attempt Suggested revision: cause them not to attempt Why it matters: The verb form and pronoun are incorrect.
- 12. Verb form Original: supports to being alive Suggested revision: support to stay alive Why it matters: The infinitive form is needed after support to.
Suggested Rewrites
- international institutes international institutions
- the low-income communities low-income communities
- some various points of view various points of view
- it is going to be assessed this essay will assess
- conducting poor countries internationally supporting poor countries through international aid
- low-level nations low-income nations
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages of international aid, with relevant points about health, malnutrition, dependency, and resource use. Development is limited and some claims remain broad.
Give one specific, well-explained advantage and one specific disadvantage, then explain how aid could be managed to avoid dependency.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a recognizable four-paragraph structure and basic contrast. Cohesion is sometimes mechanical, and unclear phrasing weakens the logical flow within paragraphs.
Use clearer topic sentences and avoid long opening clauses that delay the main idea.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic but often inaccurate or unnatural, with repeated aid-related phrases and several wrong collocations. Word choice sometimes obscures meaning.
Learn precise collocations such as foreign aid, recipient countries, medical supplies, donor nations, and economic dependency.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar errors are frequent, especially in sentence structure, articles, agreement, infinitives, and passive forms. Meaning is usually recoverable but several sentences require rereading.
Write shorter sentences with a clear subject and verb, then check agreement and verb patterns.