Exposure to international media such as films, TV and magazines has a significant impact on local cultures. What do you think has been the impact? Do you think its advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
It is well known that media globalisation such as movies, TV and magazines have great effects on internal cultures. It highly influences the cultures formation and a massive change is observed through nation’s behaviours. Although globalisation through media has many advantages that put people around the world altogether, we cannot avoid some disadvantages to being conveyed. Media is a good carrier of knowledge and information. It saves time for the learner to acquire new science or even help him to create ideas. Also help in countries development, whenever a country mimics successful plans of other countries, like the United European organisation where the countries involved in this organisation exchange news of flourishment and high achievements. We can also see that people living in different countries watch same programs and read same magazines are able to get closer, however, far they are. They can also exchange languages and habits of different cultures, and easily understand each other. And though, somebody can go anywhere and meet with his best friend or even with his soul-mate where common thoughts meet. On the other hand, media has some disadvantages that we cannot avoid, and I believe that children are getting the greatest percent of loss there are some impolite scenes transferred to their pure minds, from where catalyses bad thoughts. In addition, nowadays, there are research studies that justify the opinion of most watched TV increases the percentage of stupidity and foolishness. It also does not give the children or teenagers to practice beneficial activities and be more productive to their society. One more bad consequence of media prevail is that it weakens the relations between the individual and family or friends. One is less able to communicate with people around him and share wonderful moments. There will be no good memories to accompany him in elderly and hard times. To sum up, we can conclude that media shows obvious change on a variety of cultures and generates new disciplinary of living ways. However, we should not go in deep with it and we should entertain it within the limit to avoid its drawbacks.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix agreement Original: media globalisation such as movies, TV and magazines have Suggested revision: media globalisation through movies, TV and magazines has Why it matters: The head noun is singular, so the verb should be singular.
- 2. Use task wording Original: internal cultures Suggested revision: local cultures Why it matters: The task is about local cultures; "internal cultures" is not natural here.
- 3. Use noun phrase Original: cultures formation Suggested revision: the formation of cultures Why it matters: The noun phrase needs a clearer structure.
- 4. Use natural phrase Original: put people around the world altogether Suggested revision: bring people around the world together Why it matters: The intended idea is connection, but the collocation is inaccurate.
- 5. Fix verb form Original: to being conveyed Suggested revision: being conveyed Why it matters: The phrase does not need "to" before the gerund here.
- 6. Add subject Original: Also help in countries development Suggested revision: It also helps with countries' development Why it matters: The sentence fragment needs a subject and a correct possessive noun.
- 7. Add articles Original: watch same programs and read same magazines Suggested revision: watch the same programs and read the same magazines Why it matters: The repeated noun phrases need the definite article.
- 8. Fix concessive phrase Original: however, far they are Suggested revision: however far apart they are Why it matters: This phrase needs no comma after "however" and needs "apart" for distance.
- 9. Keep task focus Original: meet with his best friend or even with his soul-mate Suggested revision: communicate with people from other cultures Why it matters: The original example drifts away from cultural impact and sounds informal.
- 10. Use clear harm phrase Original: the greatest percent of loss Suggested revision: the greatest harm Why it matters: This expression is unnatural and unclear.
- 11. Repair clause Original: from where catalyses bad thoughts Suggested revision: which can encourage harmful thoughts Why it matters: The original clause has no clear subject and uses the wrong verb form.
- 12. Use noun form Original: media prevail Suggested revision: media prevalence Why it matters: The phrase needs a noun, not a verb.
Suggested Rewrites
- media globalisation such as movies, TV and magazines have media globalisation through movies, TV and magazines has
- internal cultures local cultures
- cultures formation the formation of cultures
- put people around the world altogether bring people around the world together
- to being conveyed being conveyed
- Also help in countries development It also helps with countries' development
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses the impact of international media and discusses both advantages and disadvantages. The position is understandable but not consistently clear on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and some examples are vague or only loosely connected to local culture.
State clearly whether advantages outweigh disadvantages, then organize the body around two cultural benefits and two cultural risks with concrete examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a broad progression from benefits to drawbacks and a conclusion. However, paragraphing is absent, some ideas are loosely sequenced, and several sentences start with weak additive links that do not show relationships between ideas.
Use separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and make each paragraph begin with a clear topic sentence about cultural impact.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses some topic vocabulary such as media globalisation, cultures, languages, habits, and communication. Lexical control is uneven, with inaccurate collocations and vague phrases such as internal cultures, most watched TV, and media prevail.
Build a set of precise culture-and-media phrases, such as "local traditions", "cultural exchange", "media influence", "screen time", and "family relationships".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in agreement, articles, sentence boundaries, and clause structure affect fluency and sometimes clarity. The meaning is usually recoverable, but grammatical control is the weakest criterion.
Write shorter sentences with one main clause, then check subject-verb agreement and articles before adding extra clauses.