In some countries, it can be difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes of this problem, and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Sample Response
Young people are often considered over the old ones by most organisations. The percentage of people losing their jobs due to their age as they advance beyond 50 is alarmingly more in some countries. Such problems are a matter of great concern and must be addressed for a better economic state of a nation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unnatural phrase Original: considered over Suggested revision: preferred over Why it matters: This expresses the intended comparison more naturally.
- 2. Respectful wording Original: the old ones Suggested revision: older workers Why it matters: Older workers is more precise and appropriate.
- 3. Comparison error Original: alarmingly more Suggested revision: alarmingly high Why it matters: More needs a comparison; high fits this sentence.
- 4. Natural wording Original: advance beyond 50 Suggested revision: pass the age of 50 Why it matters: This is clearer and more idiomatic.
- 5. Natural collocation Original: economic state of a nation Suggested revision: economic health of a nation Why it matters: Economic health is a more natural phrase for national economic wellbeing.
- 6. Give a cause Original: Young people are often considered over the old ones by most organisations. Suggested revision: Many organisations prefer younger applicants because they assume older workers are less adaptable or more expensive. Why it matters: This both fixes the sentence and begins to answer the causes part of the prompt.
- 7. Add a measure Original: Such problems are a matter of great concern and must be addressed for a better economic state of a nation. Suggested revision: Governments could address this problem through stronger age-discrimination laws, retraining programmes, and incentives for companies that hire experienced older workers. Why it matters: The original says action is needed but does not state any solution.
- 8. Severely under length Suggested revision: Expand this into at least 250 words with developed causes and measures. Why it matters: At around one short paragraph, the response cannot meet Task 2 development requirements.
- 9. Add body paragraphs Suggested revision: Create one body paragraph for causes and one for solutions, each with examples. Why it matters: The current response only introduces the issue and has no essay progression.
Suggested Rewrites
- considered over preferred over
- the old ones older workers
- alarmingly more alarmingly high
- advance beyond 50 pass the age of 50
- economic state of a nation economic health of a nation
- Young people are often considered over the old ones by most organisations. Many organisations prefer younger applicants because they assume older workers are less adaptable or more expensive.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response introduces the topic of age discrimination but is far below the 250-word requirement and does not actually explain causes or measures. Task response is therefore very limited.
Write a complete essay with one paragraph on causes, such as employer bias and technology concerns, and one paragraph on solutions, such as anti-discrimination laws and retraining.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a basic three-sentence introduction, but no developed body paragraphs or conclusion. Progression is too limited for Task 2.
Use a four-paragraph structure: introduction, causes, measures, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Some topic vocabulary is relevant, including organisations, experience, and economic state. Word choice is often awkward, such as considered over the old ones and alarmingly more.
Use accurate phrases such as preferred over older workers, age discrimination, experienced employees, and labour market.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The short response has some accurate basic structures, but there are errors in comparison, noun choice, and sentence construction.
Practise clear comparative sentences with older workers and younger applicants as the subjects.