In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages?
Sample Response
In the past, young people only left home once they got married. Nowadays, though, youngsters tend to leave earlier. While there might be some disadvantages to this phenomenon, I believe that its benefits far outweigh them.
There are two reasons why young people should not leave home earlier. Firstly, not all youngsters are ready to live away from home. An example of this would the type of people that are easily influenced by friends. Such people might lack the ability to resist their friends' temptation to get involved in dangerous situations, such as drug abuse. Secondly, parents would have to experience empty nest syndrome sooner than expected. This might be even more pronounced since they worry whether their children are mature enough to live on their own.
Despite the plausible drawbacks, I think there are more advantages that can be obtained. One of them is that young people would sooner be more independent and reliable. Since they could no longer rely on their parents, they have to depend on themselves. For instance, they would learn to do household chores, which they might not have learnt otherwise.
In addition, the parents-children relationship is likely to improve once both parties experienced living apart. Young adults might realise just how much they miss their parents, whom they might have taken for granted all this time. Thus, both sides are likely to make extra efforts to treat each other better. Besides, parents would have more time to take care of themselves once their children left home. The bond between the husband and the wife can even deepen this way.
In conclusion, while I agree that there might be some drawbacks to the trend of young adults leaving their home earlier, I believe that there are more advantages to it. Thus, parents should let their children live away from home, even way before their marriage.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. More formal wording Original: youngsters tend to leave earlier Suggested revision: young adults tend to leave home earlier Why it matters: Young adults is more natural and precise for an IELTS essay.
- 2. Avoid vague noun Original: this phenomenon Suggested revision: this trend Why it matters: Trend is clearer and directly matches the question.
- 3. Missing verb Original: An example of this would the type Suggested revision: An example of this would be the type Why it matters: The clause needs the verb be.
- 4. Wrong collocation Original: resist their friends' temptation Suggested revision: resist pressure from their friends Why it matters: People resist pressure, not another person's temptation.
- 5. Develop example Original: dangerous situations, such as drug abuse Suggested revision: risky behaviour, such as drug abuse or dropping out of study Why it matters: The example is relevant but would be stronger if connected to living away from home.
- 6. Natural phrasing Original: plausible drawbacks Suggested revision: possible drawbacks Why it matters: Possible is more natural here than plausible.
- 7. Word order Original: young people would sooner be more independent Suggested revision: young people would become independent sooner Why it matters: Sooner should modify become independent.
- 8. Concise phrase Original: more advantages that can be obtained Suggested revision: more advantages to be gained Why it matters: This is more concise and idiomatic.
- 9. Compound noun Original: parents-children relationship Suggested revision: parent-child relationship Why it matters: This is the standard compound form.
- 10. Tense after once Original: once both parties experienced Suggested revision: once both parties have experienced Why it matters: Use a present perfect form to describe a completed experience before a likely result.
- 11. Consistent tense Original: once their children left home Suggested revision: once their children have left home Why it matters: This better fits the general future-oriented argument.
- 12. Natural reference Original: The bond between the husband and the wife Suggested revision: The bond between husband and wife Why it matters: The shorter phrase is more natural for a general statement.
Suggested Rewrites
- youngsters tend to leave earlier young adults tend to leave home earlier
- this phenomenon this trend
- An example of this would the type An example of this would be the type
- resist their friends' temptation resist pressure from their friends
- dangerous situations, such as drug abuse risky behaviour, such as drug abuse or dropping out of study
- plausible drawbacks possible drawbacks
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers the question directly, presents a clear view that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and develops both sides with relevant examples. Some support remains general, especially the independence and family-relationship points.
Add one more concrete example showing how studying or working away from home builds maturity, and explain why that benefit outweighs the emotional cost to parents.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and generally logical progression from disadvantages to advantages and conclusion. Cohesion is smooth overall, though several links are formulaic and a few references are slightly awkward.
Use more precise topic sentences and reduce repeated contrast markers such as despite and while by making each paragraph's role obvious.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible enough for the topic, with phrases such as empty nest syndrome and taken for granted. Some word choices are awkward or overgeneralised, including youngsters, phenomenon, and parents-children relationship.
Use natural collocations such as young adults, parent-child relationship, independent sooner, and live independently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex clauses is used and meaning is clear. There are occasional errors with articles, missing verbs, tense after once, and comparative phrasing.
Proofread each complex sentence for missing verbs and tense consistency, especially after examples and time clauses.