In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
Obesity is progressing worldwide and the number of overweight population is increasing in many countries. Moreover, physical fitness and health status is deteriorating. I believed that environment, inactive lifestyle and food industry are just some of the causes leading people to overweight. These problems can be resolved but thoughtful lifestyle and food habit should be changed. Fast food places are everywhere. People often buy foods to save money and time from those fast food shops. However, fast foods have a lack of nutrients and contain fats and sugars in a high amount which can cause health problems later on. Moreover, physical inactivity and laziness linked to the advancement of technology encourage obesity. For example, most individuals prefer to stay at home and they either work on their computers or play with their gadgets rather than going outside for a walk or doing outdoor activities. Another reason is the invention of cars and motorcycles which are convenient for travellers but a passive way of transportation thus resulting in decreasing of physical fitness. In addition, the food industry has a great impact on society. For an instance, food advertisements sometimes mislead the consumers by giving false information and sway people to buy high caloric foods. The solution should start within individual's efforts and supports from the government. Each and every one of us is responsible for looking after ourselves. Engaging in physical activities, providing our body with healthy & nutritious diets, avoiding vices can lead toward life betterment. The other solution would be a support coming from the government such as promoting physical activity programs in the community. An example of this is to have a free outdoor exercises or dance at the park. This can be an effective way to persuade people to be physically active while enjoying others company. Also, implementing of proper food education at school and having a healthy set of meals at the canteen help the students to receive the nutrients they need. To conclude, there are several factors that can affect the rising number of obesity population and decline of physical fitness and level of health. These can be solved with collaboration between government programs and people's efforts towards a healthy society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural collocation Original: Obesity is progressing worldwide Suggested revision: Obesity is increasing worldwide Why it matters: Increasing is the natural verb for rates of obesity.
- 2. Noun phrase Original: the number of overweight population Suggested revision: the number of overweight people Why it matters: Population is not used naturally after number of here.
- 3. Plural agreement Original: health status is deteriorating Suggested revision: health levels are deteriorating Why it matters: This matches the plural idea in the task prompt.
- 4. Tense error Original: I believed Suggested revision: I believe Why it matters: Use present tense for your current opinion.
- 5. Wrong phrase Original: leading people to overweight Suggested revision: causing people to become overweight Why it matters: Become overweight is the natural expression.
- 6. Meaning mismatch Original: thoughtful lifestyle Suggested revision: unhealthy lifestyle Why it matters: Thoughtful does not fit the problem being described.
- 7. Plural noun Original: food habit should be changed Suggested revision: food habits should be changed Why it matters: Habits should be plural when referring to people's general behaviour.
- 8. Natural phrase Original: Fast food places Suggested revision: Fast-food restaurants Why it matters: This is more precise and formal.
- 9. Cleaner wording Original: a lack of nutrients Suggested revision: few nutrients Why it matters: The shorter phrase is more direct in this sentence.
- 10. Unnatural collocation Original: a passive way of transportation Suggested revision: a passive form of transport Why it matters: Form of transport is the natural phrase.
- 11. Fixed phrase Original: For an instance Suggested revision: For instance Why it matters: The phrase does not take an article.
- 12. Gerund pattern Original: implementing of proper food education Suggested revision: implementing proper food education Why it matters: Do not use of directly after implementing here.
Suggested Rewrites
- Obesity is progressing worldwide Obesity is increasing worldwide
- the number of overweight population the number of overweight people
- health status is deteriorating health levels are deteriorating
- I believed I believe
- leading people to overweight causing people to become overweight
- thoughtful lifestyle unhealthy lifestyle
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response covers both causes and measures with relevant points about fast food, inactivity, advertising, personal effort, and government action.
Make the cause-solution relationship more explicit by pairing each major cause with a targeted measure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas generally progress, but the whole answer is one long paragraph, which seriously weakens organization and readability.
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, causes, personal solutions, government solutions, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for health and lifestyle topics, but several collocations and word forms are inaccurate.
Use natural phrases such as sedentary lifestyle, unhealthy eating habits, high-calorie foods, and public health campaigns.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent but mostly non-blocking grammar errors in tense, articles, plurals, and gerund structures.
Check every noun phrase for articles and plurals, and use gerunds after prepositions.