In some countries, it can be difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes of this problem, and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Sample Response
It is certainly true that these days due to the advancements in the field of science and technology, most of the employers opt the fresh graduates to employ. However, aged people obviously have guts and accomplishments to climb the ladder of corporate hierarchy. It is high time, one must think of the experience and the positive outlook the elder people have towards any aspect. Nevertheless, there are apparent ways to solve it.
To begin with, the main reasons could be the age factor, productivity, lowered work output, a way of thinking and mostly people over the age of 50 are usually Luddites. Today, all tasks primarily are being accomplished by using technology. Moreover, as the aged person generally may not be tech-savvy, this might be one possible reason for not recruiting them in good jobs. Furthermore, as a person becomes old, one would suffer from health implications which hinder the productivity at workplace. Nevertheless, it is undeniable fact that, some older people willingly do not want to work; they might want to spend their rest of the retired life with their children and grandchildren. Taking into considerations all the points it is clear why people over the age of 50 generally are not recruited in good jobs despite their experience.
On the other hand, according to me, how much ever the technology develops, experience always stands ahead of the knowledge of novices. Hence, certain measures should be taken to address this moot issue. What I suggest is that the government can pay a crucial role by allotting employment allowances to the elder people. Next, the corporate companies perhaps, think to form an expert team comprising of aged people who could guide the younger employees to ensure the success of an organisation.
To summarise, I believe that, there are several reasons behind this controversial issue and the possible consequences, but, by excluding these, the elder people should be given respect and a chance to prove their talent and experience.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Concise phrase Original: advancements in the field of science and technology Suggested revision: advances in technology Why it matters: The shorter phrase is more natural and precise.
- 2. Verb pattern Original: most of the employers opt the fresh graduates to employ Suggested revision: most employers choose to employ fresh graduates Why it matters: Opt needs for or an infinitive structure, and the sentence needs clearer word order.
- 3. Informal wording Original: aged people obviously have guts Suggested revision: older people often have resilience Why it matters: Have guts is too informal and imprecise for IELTS writing.
- 4. Collocation Original: climb the ladder of corporate hierarchy Suggested revision: climb the corporate ladder Why it matters: This is the standard collocation.
- 5. Sentence structure Original: It is high time, one must think Suggested revision: It is high time employers considered Why it matters: The original punctuation and modal structure are inaccurate.
- 6. Natural term Original: the elder people Suggested revision: older people Why it matters: Older people is more natural and neutral in this context.
- 7. Employment term Original: lowered work output Suggested revision: lower productivity Why it matters: Lower productivity is the expected workplace collocation.
- 8. Avoid stereotype Original: Luddites Suggested revision: less familiar with new technology Why it matters: The word is loaded and overgeneralises older workers.
- 9. General plural Original: the aged person generally may not be tech-savvy Suggested revision: older people may not always be tech-savvy Why it matters: The plural phrase is more natural for a general claim.
- 10. Article use Original: hinder the productivity at workplace Suggested revision: hinder productivity in the workplace Why it matters: The phrase needs a natural preposition and article.
- 11. Wrong collocation Original: pay a crucial role Suggested revision: play a crucial role Why it matters: The correct phrase is play a role.
- 12. Verb pattern Original: comprising of aged people Suggested revision: comprising older people Why it matters: Comprise does not take of in this structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- advancements in the field of science and technology advances in technology
- most of the employers opt the fresh graduates to employ most employers choose to employ fresh graduates
- aged people obviously have guts older people often have resilience
- climb the ladder of corporate hierarchy climb the corporate ladder
- It is high time, one must think It is high time employers considered
- the elder people older people
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses both causes and measures, with relevant ideas about technology, productivity, health, government support, and advisory roles. Some causes are stereotyped and one solution is not clearly linked to getting good jobs.
Focus on employer bias, skills mismatch, and retraining, then match each solution directly to a cause.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is clearly paragraphed and generally easy to follow. However, paragraph two lists several causes without enough hierarchy, and the final paragraph refers to consequences rather than solutions.
Use one body paragraph for causes and one for solutions, with clear topic sentences and fewer side comments.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and sometimes ambitious, but several word choices are inaccurate or too informal for the topic. Collocations around employment and older workers need more control.
Use neutral employment language such as older workers, employers, retraining, workplace productivity, and age discrimination.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a range of sentence types, but errors with articles, verb patterns, commas, and noun forms occur regularly. Meaning remains mostly clear.
Check each sentence for correct verb patterns after opt, help, pay, and comprise.