In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
Healthiness plays a vital role in human lives. It is true that people's average weight is growing in many nations due to several factors that degrade their strength. There are various reasons why individual's average weight is being increased, but they could certainly take steps to address this issue. Firstly, the variety of food is different in each country that could increase people's weight, and the fitness standard reduces drastically. For instance, many western countries people used to have foods in such as pizza and burger which leads to obesity and surge in their weight that causes their health level. Moreover, people used to skip their breakfast to keep them fit because of which their weight gets increased after some point of time. The food with proper quality, less cholesterol would control their weight and keep them fit that lead to healthy life in near future. In addition, people should have their meals in proper timing to avoid any health related issues.
Secondly, the lack of exercise is one of the reasons for human's weight control. Most of the people are lazy to do any daily exercises that affect their health directly. For example, people intend to use bus or train to travel for even small distance and also people are using lifts instead of steps for small distance walk in their work premises as well. As a result, human average weight is increasing drastically now a day in many countries. As a corrective measure, people should walk daily at least a couple of kilometres where it is possible and also do basic exercise to keep them fit and that would improve the health standard.
In conclusion, various measures can be taken to tackle the problems that are certain to average weight increase to peoples in many nations to maintain their health standard at a high level.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural noun Original: Healthiness plays a vital role Suggested revision: Health plays a vital role Why it matters: Health, not healthiness, is the natural noun here.
- 2. Natural wording Original: people's average weight is growing Suggested revision: people's average weight is increasing Why it matters: Weight increases; growing is less natural for this topic.
- 3. Wrong phrase Original: degrade their strength Suggested revision: reduce their fitness Why it matters: The task is about health and fitness, not strength alone.
- 4. Plural possessive Original: individual's average weight Suggested revision: individuals' average weight Why it matters: The sentence refers to people generally, so the plural possessive is needed.
- 5. Active form Original: is being increased Suggested revision: is increasing Why it matters: The active form is simpler and more natural.
- 6. Natural collocation Original: fitness standard reduces drastically Suggested revision: fitness levels fall sharply Why it matters: Fitness levels fall or decline; standard reduces is unnatural.
- 7. Noun phrase Original: many western countries people Suggested revision: people in many Western countries Why it matters: This fixes word order and capitalisation.
- 8. Food examples Original: foods in such as pizza and burger Suggested revision: foods such as pizza and burgers Why it matters: Remove in and use the plural burgers.
- 9. Incomplete meaning Original: causes their health level Suggested revision: lowers their health level Why it matters: The verb needs to express the effect on health.
- 10. Current habit Original: Moreover, people used to skip their breakfast Suggested revision: Moreover, some people skip breakfast Why it matters: Used to suggests a past habit, but the paragraph discusses current causes.
- 11. Diet wording Original: less cholesterol Suggested revision: less saturated fat Why it matters: This is more precise for unhealthy foods.
- 12. Unnatural adjective Original: Most of the people are lazy to do Suggested revision: Many people are reluctant to do Why it matters: Reluctant is more formal and less judgemental than lazy.
Suggested Rewrites
- Healthiness plays a vital role Health plays a vital role
- people's average weight is growing people's average weight is increasing
- degrade their strength reduce their fitness
- individual's average weight individuals' average weight
- is being increased is increasing
- fitness standard reduces drastically fitness levels fall sharply
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response identifies relevant causes such as unhealthy food and lack of exercise and gives basic solutions. However, the explanation is sometimes inaccurate or unclear, and the measures are narrow rather than fully developed at social or government level.
Separate causes from solutions more clearly, and add broader measures such as public health education, healthier school meals, and safer spaces for exercise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body sections, and conclusion. Progression is understandable, but ideas are packed into long paragraphs and some linking is repetitive or unclear.
Use one paragraph for diet causes and solutions, one for inactivity causes and solutions, and a concise conclusion that summarises both.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary covers health, food, exercise, and obesity, but many collocations are inaccurate, such as healthiness plays, fitness standard reduces, and causes their health level.
Use natural health phrases such as health is vital, fitness levels decline, unhealthy diets cause obesity, and maintain a healthy weight.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar errors with articles, plurals, prepositions, and sentence structure reduce clarity. Meaning is often recoverable, but the accuracy is limited.
Write shorter sentences and check each noun phrase for articles and plural forms before adding extra clauses.