Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Higher education plays a pivotal role in an individual's professional life. Many people are of the opinion that the role of university education is to merely facilitate a graduate's job hunting endeavours. Others, however, believe that the beneficial ramifications a university can provide for its students are many. This essay analyses both points of view. I believe that besides helping graduates find better jobs, a university can do much more.
On the one hand, the primal objective of any university is to award a successful candidate with a professional degree. Although a degree may not guarantee a job, it is nevertheless necessary, as employers will not hire an individual without the right kind of academic qualifications. So a university degree increases the job prospects of individuals, and this is why people are inclined to believe that this is the only objective a university is supposed to fulfil. For instance, more than 80% of parents in South Asian countries believe that their children should have university degrees for the sake of getting a better job.
On the other hand, many believe that a degree is just one of the many benefits a university can offer. A university does improve many soft skills of its learners, such as confidence, empathy, delegation, observation, imagination, responsibility, planning, analysis, problem-solving skills and many more - the importance of which for personal, professional and social success are undeniable. These days, many employers seek not only applicants' academic qualifications but also important soft skills. These soft skills help people thrive in their personal life, contribute better to society and the nation. Thus university education goes beyond preparing young minds for their careers.
I believe that universities shape young students to become personally, socially and professionally ready to take challenges and contribute more for the betterment of all. Students learn many soft skills that help them not only do better in their jobs but also become better members of society and develop and grow as individuals.
To conclude, it is clear from the above discussion that universities emphasise developing their learners' overall skills - including academic, professional and personal skills, that are required for success in life while also becoming better citizens.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural academic tone benefits
- 2. Word choice the primary objective
- 3. General plural universities can offer
- 4. Number agreement soft skills help people thrive in their personal lives
- 5. Parallel phrasing contribute more effectively to society and the nation
- 6. Dash spacing skills, including
- 7. Sentence rewrite For instance, many parents in South Asian countries encourage their children to obtain university degrees because they see them as essential for stable, well-paid employment.
- 8. Sentence rewrite To conclude, while universities clearly improve employment prospects, their wider value lies in developing the academic, professional and personal qualities that help graduates succeed and contribute as citizens.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response directly discusses both views and gives a clear opinion. Ideas are relevant and well developed, though some support remains general rather than strongly evidenced.
To push higher, add one more concrete example showing how a non-career university benefit helps society, not only individuals.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well organised with clear paragraphing and logical progression. Cohesive devices are controlled, although a few transitions are slightly formulaic.
Make the conclusion less formulaic by restating the argument in a sharper way rather than relying on 'it is clear from the above discussion'.
Lexical Resource
Lexical range is strong and flexible, with precise phrases such as 'job prospects', 'soft skills', and 'beneficial ramifications'. Minor issues include a few over-formal or less natural choices.
Keep the sophisticated vocabulary, but prefer natural academic wording over showy phrasing when a simpler term is more exact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is accurate across a range of complex structures. Minor punctuation and number agreement issues remain but do not impede communication.
Check agreement in long noun phrases and use punctuation around dashes and clauses consistently.