Some people say that smoking should be permitted in places where people gather to eat or drink. Others find the smell of smoke unpleasant and fear it is bad for everybody’s health. What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
Today, there is a huge debate about freedom of smoking in the public areas. Although some people believe that smokers should be allowed to smoke in open areas, I personally disagree with it because I think this habit can have more obvious side effects on citizens’ health. It can increase the risk of cancer, asthma and sudden death of newborns.
One obvious risk of smoking is cancer. Passive smokers, who inhale the smoke of cigarette of smokers, usually endanger their health even more than the smokers, based on the studies implemented by American Cancer Institute. Their lungs intake more smoke chemicals, and smoking dust is extremely harmful to these people’s lungs. Another dangerous effect is a sudden death of newborns. Paediatrics have proven that those mothers, who have been more exposed to the smoke, their infants are usually more considerably vulnerable to congenital disorders, and ultimately the rate of mortality can be increased. Breathing over thousands of perilous materials in each puff of smoke can notably raise the risk of abortion in passive pregnant smokers.
Lastly, it can be far risky to asthmatic people. This group usually have a worse irritative respiratory system than the normal humans, and their lung are inflamed by any dust particles, including smoke dust; therefore, even by breathing one minute of smoke in the public, their health will be jeopardised far dramatically.
In conclusion, second-hand smoking is very risky to all humans, especially those having respiratory diseases. I personally believe that this habit not only can increase the risk of malignancy, but asthmatic attacks and infant mortality will become more highly dangerous. If I was a governor, I would consider more restrictions to smokers visiting public locations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural phrase the freedom to smoke
- 2. General noun public areas
- 3. Task focus places where people eat or drink
- 4. Collocation harmful effects on public health
- 5. Awkward phrase cigarette smoke from smokers
- 6. Verb choice Their lungs take in
- 7. Wrong term smoke particles
- 8. Article use sudden death in newborns
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives a clear opinion against smoking in eating and drinking places and develops relevant health reasons, though it could address the opposing freedom argument more directly.
Add one brief concession about smokers' freedom, then explain why public health outweighs it in shared spaces.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and progression are clear, with each body paragraph focused on a health risk, but some linking and referencing is repetitive.
Group the health impacts more logically and use clearer topic sentences that connect back to restaurants and public gathering places.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary range is good and sometimes ambitious, but several collocations are unnatural or overly technical.
Keep precise health vocabulary but avoid awkward phrases such as freedom of smoking and far risky.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures is attempted, but article errors, comparison forms, and clause control errors occur regularly.
Check comparative adjectives, subject-verb agreement, and conditional forms.