Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay Correction
Student Essay
From my opinion, I believe competition is major part of our society and it is important for growth and that is the reason of considering a challenges as a good thing. However, A significant number of people believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather then competing against each other.
Firstly, According to my perspective, facing challenges at work or day to day life is essential for career and people can unlock their true ability because of issues. For example, Nowadays new generation childrens are not participating in different types of activities and that is the main reason of depression. The having a huddles in life or competing with someone encourage people and help to achieve their goals.
The Competition is not the main purpose of life, it is very crucial to understand to supporting others is also necessary. For example, Several time people get stuck with problem and without any helping hand, it is not possible to solve the bug. Therefore, Cooperating with others is the main purpose of life. In school project students have to work on same task together to achieve the main goal. They have to cooperate with each other and support. The whole point is helping each other is important, rather than competing against each other.
The conclusion, Challenges and struggles makes people strong and that is why having rival is essential. That is the main reason of my supporting to competition. However, At some point of life people should try to work and support each other, rather than competing.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Incorrect preposition In my opinion
- 2. Missing article is a major part
- 3. Article-noun agreement considering challenges
- 4. Incorrect capitalization However, a significant
- 5. Spelling error rather than
- 6. Incorrect capitalization Firstly, according to
- 7. Double plural children are
- 8. Wrong word hurdles
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses both sides of the prompt and presents a clear opinion. However, the ideas are not fully developed, and some examples (such as the mention of depression in children or 'solving a bug') are either irrelevant or too informal/specific to support the main arguments effectively. The essay is also slightly under the 250-word limit.
Ensure all examples directly support the main topic of competition versus cooperation, and expand on your points to comfortably exceed the 250-word requirement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is used to separate ideas, but cohesive devices are often repetitive, inaccurate, or mechanically placed. Transition words like 'The conclusion' and 'From my opinion' are non-standard.
Use standard cohesive devices such as 'In my opinion' and 'In conclusion', and ensure smooth logical transitions between sentences within paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is limited and contains several spelling and word-choice errors that sometimes obscure meaning. Words like 'huddles' (instead of hurdles) and 'bug' (informal/technical jargon) are inappropriate for an academic essay.
Focus on learning academic collocations and correct spelling of common words, and avoid using informal or highly technical jargon in IELTS essays.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammatical errors are frequent and occur in almost every sentence. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, pluralization, article usage, and capitalization.
Review basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement, plural nouns, and the correct use of articles (a/an/the).