In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Sample Response
Students spend majority of their times in schools and it has proved that school has an undeniable effect on making and developing student’s character. As schools are considered as the second home of students, they are struggling with lots of issues related to students’ behaviors. So, this essay has tried to cover some of sources related to students’ behaviors and also will suggest some impressive approaches to schools to control and eradicate bad behaviors of students.
Firstly, it is very important to find all of the aspects which have deep effects on a student mind. As a student is at a young age, home environment, friends and TV programs can affect his character and encourage him to some particular behaviors. In fact, the way that parents interact with each other, directly defines moral and unethical matters for students. For example, a student learns from parents how to behave in a society including how to respect laws or how to be rebellious. In the other hand, students always are interested in intimating their friends as they spend majority of their times with them. Also TV programs have a strong effect on students’ character and in most of cases students make their appearances and develop their behaviors as similar as some popular actors. Therefore, schools are always the first place which face to mention problems and try to tackle with those bad behaviors which have come to existence in students.
Secondly, schools should implement some ways together to investigate students’ behaviors. For example, they should develop several meetings with students’ parents to recognize the reason for conflicts. Or as most of students find their friends in the school environment, teachers should monitor the way of interactions between students or encourage them to find good friends by making some small suitable communities in the schools. Ultimately, teachers should spend time to find that which TV programs are in student’s favorite lists and try to show them ethical aspects of those programs and by this way open a clear horizon for them to separate good thing from bad ones.
I think, therefore, schools have a critical role to teach moral things to students and they should arrange some more courses related to behavior matters beside the education. However, schools are so alone on this way in most of countries and they should be helped by societies and families as one hand can’t carry a watermelon without helping another hand.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Quantity phrase Original: majority of their times Suggested revision: the majority of their time Why it matters: Use the article and the uncountable noun time in this phrase.
- 2. Passive form Original: it has proved that school has Suggested revision: it has been proved that school has Why it matters: The passive construction needs been.
- 3. Plural possessive Original: student’s character Suggested revision: students' character Why it matters: The essay refers to students generally, so the plural possessive is needed.
- 4. Academic tone Original: lots of issues Suggested revision: many issues Why it matters: Many issues is more formal than lots of issues.
- 5. Missing article Original: some of sources Suggested revision: some of the sources Why it matters: The noun phrase needs the before sources.
- 6. Wrong adjective Original: impressive approaches Suggested revision: effective approaches Why it matters: Approaches can be effective; impressive does not fit the meaning well.
- 7. Possessive form Original: a student mind Suggested revision: a student's mind Why it matters: The possessive form is needed before mind.
- 8. Verb pattern Original: encourage him to some particular behaviors Suggested revision: encourage him to adopt particular behaviours Why it matters: Encourage someone to needs a verb, and adopt behaviours is natural.
- 9. Linking phrase Original: In the other hand Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: This is the fixed linking expression.
- 10. Wrong word Original: intimating their friends Suggested revision: imitating their friends Why it matters: The intended meaning is copy, which is imitate.
- 11. Comparison form Original: as similar as some popular actors Suggested revision: in ways similar to some popular actors Why it matters: Similar is followed by to, not as.
- 12. Agreement Original: the first place which face Suggested revision: the first places that face Why it matters: Places is plural and needs face; that is smoother for defining clauses.
Suggested Rewrites
- majority of their times the majority of their time
- it has proved that school has it has been proved that school has
- student’s character students' character
- lots of issues many issues
- some of sources some of the sources
- impressive approaches effective approaches
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses both causes and solutions and remains mostly relevant to student behaviour. However, causes are broad, some solutions are only loosely practical, and development is often repetitive rather than analytical.
Choose two main causes and two matching solutions, then explain how each solution directly reduces a specific behaviour problem.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a recognisable introduction, causes paragraph, solutions paragraph, and conclusion. Progression is weakened by long sentences, repeated general statements, and some unclear links between home, friends, TV, and school action.
Use clearer topic sentences and shorter cause-effect chains within each paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses topic vocabulary such as behaviours, parents, teachers, and moral matters, but word choice is often inaccurate or unnatural. Phrases such as intimate their friends, face to mention problems, and bad behaviors of students reduce clarity.
Use precise school-behaviour vocabulary: imitate peers, behavioural problems, misconduct, intervention, guidance, and parental involvement.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent article, preposition, agreement, and sentence-structure errors affect fluency. Meaning is usually recoverable, but errors are regular across almost every paragraph.
Write shorter sentences and check each clause for subject-verb agreement, articles, and correct prepositions.