In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Sample Response
In some countries, education institutions are facing problems with the student's attitude and behavior. The following essay will discuss about some of the reasons that have caused the situation, and some of the steps that can be taken to address the issue.
It is a fact that a lot of schools have severe problems with their students' personality and attitude. Many of the children have become overreacted or showing negative behavior during the class hours. Some education experts believe that the negative attitude of the children is mainly due to the lack of attention of the parents. It is a common thing that both parents are working these days, and they would only have such a limited time for their children. As a result, some of the children have acted negatively at home and school to get the attention of their parents, teachers or friends. Furthermore, it is undeniable that video games have affected the mindset of the children nowadays. A lot of children are behaving aggressively due to the games that they often play, which shows a lot of violence and sadistic scenes. Consequently, several children think that fighting or teasing their friends is a normal activity.
There are several things that people can do to resolve the problems. Firstly, the school should have a periodical coordination or a routine meeting with parents to discuss about their children attitude. The school should always remind parents about spending some quality and giving more attention to the children. Secondly, teacher should also recommend parents to monitor the children's activities, especially in the types of digital games they played or the types of movies they watched. Since, many video games or films are showing inappropriate acts or scenes which might distract the children's mind.
In conclusion, it is true that the negative behavior of some students become one of the main problems of many schools nowadays. Many people believe that it is due the lack attention of the working parents these days, and the impact of video games. Therefore it is important for the school and parents to cooperate in guiding the children.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use common collocation Original: education institutions Suggested revision: educational institutions Why it matters: The adjective form is more natural before “institutions.”
- 2. Use plural possessive Original: the student's attitude Suggested revision: students’ attitudes Why it matters: The essay is discussing students in general, so the plural possessive is needed.
- 3. Delete preposition Original: discuss about Suggested revision: discuss Why it matters: “Discuss” is transitive and does not take “about” here.
- 4. Use plural nouns Original: personality and attitude Suggested revision: personalities and attitudes Why it matters: The sentence refers to many students.
- 5. Use adjective phrase Original: have become overreacted Suggested revision: have become overreactive Why it matters: “Overreacted” is not used as an adjective for children’s behaviour.
- 6. Use natural phrase Original: during the class hours Suggested revision: during class time Why it matters: This is the more natural phrase for school lessons.
- 7. Use possessive form Original: the lack of attention of the parents Suggested revision: a lack of parental attention Why it matters: The revised phrase is more concise and natural.
- 8. Use uncountable phrase Original: a limited time Suggested revision: limited time Why it matters: The article is unnecessary in this general statement.
- 9. Use clearer verb Original: acted negatively Suggested revision: behaved badly Why it matters: This is more direct and natural for school behaviour.
- 10. Use appropriate collocation Original: sadistic scenes Suggested revision: violent scenes Why it matters: “Sadistic” is too specific and strong for this general claim.
- 11. Use natural phrase Original: periodical coordination Suggested revision: regular coordination meetings Why it matters: The phrase is understandable but not idiomatic.
- 12. Fix grammar Original: discuss about their children attitude Suggested revision: discuss their children’s attitudes Why it matters: Remove “about” and use the possessive plural.
Suggested Rewrites
- education institutions educational institutions
- the student's attitude students’ attitudes
- discuss about discuss
- personality and attitude personalities and attitudes
- have become overreacted have become overreactive
- during the class hours during class time
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both causes and solutions, focusing on parental attention and violent media, with relevant school-parent measures. Ideas are clear but would benefit from more precise explanation of how the solutions solve each cause.
Match each cause to a specific solution and explain the result, for example how parent meetings reduce disruptive behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is clearly organised into introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion. Cohesion is adequate, though some transitions are formulaic and the solution paragraph could be more tightly sequenced.
Use clearer cause-to-solution links such as "To address this lack of attention..." and "To reduce exposure to violence...".
Lexical Resource
Topic vocabulary is generally appropriate, including attitude, aggressive, monitor, and inappropriate scenes. There are noticeable errors in collocation and word choice.
Learn common education collocations such as "student behaviour", "parent-teacher meetings", and "show aggressive behaviour".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a range of sentence types, but grammar errors with articles, prepositions, plurals, and clauses occur frequently. Meaning remains clear overall.
Proofread for article use before singular countable nouns and avoid unnecessary commas after subordinators.