In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Sample Response
In several countries, educational institutions are facing tough problems with the behaviour of their pupils, and the issue is getting crushing over time. In this essay, I will suggest that poor parenting is the root cause of this phenomenon, and recommend that a public awareness campaign is the most viable solution to this problem.
The primary reason for inferior discipline in schools is poor discipline at home. Many parents do not have the time and skills required to teach their youngsters the value of manners and respect authority. This results in many young people not listening to their teachers, being rude, and actively rebelling against rules and regulations. For example, a recent study by Cambridge University found that 1 in 4 teenagers would refuse to comply with a rule if they did not agree with it, compared to just 1 in 10 in a similar study in 1990. Busy working parents, in modern times, and their lack of awareness or time have intensified this problem to a great extent during the last couple of decades.
I believe the most effective solution to this issue is a government-sponsored awareness campaign in the whole country especially aiming at new parents. An effective advertising campaign could warn of the dangers of misbehaviour and hopefully, raise awareness amongst the public. For example, the United Kingdom recently lobbied their citizens to teach their children about the importance of respecting teachers and this resulted in a dramatic improvement.
In conclusion, widespread negative behaviour in schools has primarily been caused by parents not instilling the values of deference and civility in their offspring, and this can be tackled through a public education programme that promotes these values.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural verb Original: getting crushing over time Suggested revision: worsening over time Why it matters: "Crushing" does not naturally describe a behaviour problem becoming more severe.
- 2. Use precise phrase Original: inferior discipline Suggested revision: poor discipline Why it matters: "Poor discipline" is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 3. Add preposition Original: respect authority Suggested revision: respect for authority Why it matters: The noun "respect" needs "for" before the object.
- 4. Smooth sentence flow Original: Busy working parents, in modern times, and their lack of awareness or time Suggested revision: In modern times, busy working parents and their lack of awareness or time Why it matters: The inserted phrase interrupts the subject and makes the sentence less fluent.
- 5. Use passive phrase Original: especially aiming at new parents Suggested revision: aimed especially at new parents Why it matters: A campaign is normally "aimed at" a group.
- 6. Remove comma Original: hopefully, raise Suggested revision: hopefully raise Why it matters: The comma unnecessarily separates the verb phrase.
- 7. Choose accurate verb Original: lobbied their citizens Suggested revision: encouraged its citizens Why it matters: Governments usually lobby other decision-makers; they encourage or urge citizens.
- 8. Use less formal noun Original: offspring Suggested revision: children Why it matters: "Offspring" is correct but sounds overly formal in this essay.
- 9. Clarify values Original: deference and civility Suggested revision: respect and civil behaviour Why it matters: The vocabulary is sophisticated, but simpler terms may communicate the point more directly.
- 10. Specify improvement Original: and this resulted in a dramatic improvement Suggested revision: and this resulted in a dramatic improvement in classroom behaviour Why it matters: The reference is understandable, but naming the outcome improves cohesion.
- 11. Refine opening sentence Original: In several countries, educational institutions are facing tough problems with the behaviour of their pupils, and the issue is getting crushing over time. Suggested revision: In several countries, educational institutions are facing serious problems with student behaviour, and the issue is worsening over time. Why it matters: The opening is strong, but two word choices are unnatural.
- 12. Fix parallel structure Original: Many parents do not have the time and skills required to teach their youngsters the value of manners and respect authority. Suggested revision: Many parents do not have the time or skills required to teach their children the value of manners and respect for authority. Why it matters: The sentence needs parallel noun phrases after "the value of".
Suggested Rewrites
- getting crushing over time worsening over time
- inferior discipline poor discipline
- respect authority respect for authority
- Busy working parents, in modern times, and their lack of awareness or time In modern times, busy working parents and their lack of awareness or time
- especially aiming at new parents aimed especially at new parents
- hopefully, raise hopefully raise
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay fully addresses both causes and solutions, with a clear central cause and a practical proposed solution. Development is relevant and well supported, although the answer could acknowledge that behaviour problems may have more than one cause.
Add one sentence recognizing another contributing factor, such as school discipline policy or peer influence, before explaining why parenting remains the main cause.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well organized, with a clear introduction, one cause paragraph, one solution paragraph, and a concise conclusion. Cohesion is generally controlled, though a few transitions and inserted phrases are slightly mechanical.
Use topic sentences that signpost cause and solution cleanly, and remove mid-sentence interruptions that slow the flow.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is strong and topic-relevant, including discipline, awareness campaign, deference, civility, and misbehaviour. Some phrases are awkward or overly formal, but they do not prevent meaning.
Prefer natural academic collocations such as "worsening", "respect for authority", and "encouraged citizens" over forced or inaccurate expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is mostly accurate with a good range of complex sentences. Minor errors with prepositions, word choice, and punctuation occur, but control is generally strong.
Proofread noun-preposition combinations and comma placement in long sentences.