In many countries, students take a year gap after finishing school and work or travel during this period. Should students take a gap year before attending universities? What are the advantages and disadvantages of it?
Sample Response
One of the most conspicuous trends among today's pupils is taking a year off for travel or job before commencing the tertiary education. This is a phenomenon which leads to both problems and advantages. In my opinion, a year break for the students has both positive and negative effects. This essay will discuss the influence of a year gap on the teenagers and will lead to a reasoned conclusion. A deluge of merits can back this stance to take the break. The most preponderant is that students can alleviate their stress during the holiday period. For instance, students after studying for a long period, get a break to relax psychologically and physically. In addition to this, this would be the opportunity for them to travel outside the country, learn foreign culture and current market trends. So meanwhile they develop maturity and possess an enthusiasm for the university education. Hence it is apparent why students need a vacation before joining the university. On the contrary, many students get deviated from their studies and feel difficult to start the academic education after having a long break. Some of the teenagers get attracted to the lavish lifestyles and prefer to adopt obnoxious habits. Needless, to say all these demerits have a far-reaching impact on the students. In view of the arguments outlined above, we can conclude that the potential drawbacks of having a break after secondary education are too dire to ignore despite some merits. Hence, the parents and the students have to consider the consequences before deciding to a year break from studies between their school and university education.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Overstated word Original: conspicuous trends Suggested revision: noticeable trends Why it matters: Conspicuous is understandable but sounds inflated here.
- 2. Level mismatch Original: pupils Suggested revision: students Why it matters: Students is more appropriate for university context.
- 3. Correct term Original: year gap Suggested revision: gap year Why it matters: Gap year is the standard word order.
- 4. Noun form Original: for travel or job Suggested revision: to travel or work Why it matters: The phrase needs parallel verbs.
- 5. Article use Original: before commencing the tertiary education Suggested revision: before commencing tertiary education Why it matters: Tertiary education is general and does not need the.
- 6. Task terms Original: problems and advantages Suggested revision: advantages and disadvantages Why it matters: Use the same conceptual pair as the question.
- 7. Natural phrase Original: a year break for the students Suggested revision: a year-long break for students Why it matters: This is clearer and removes the unnecessary article.
- 8. Formulaic phrase Original: will lead to a reasoned conclusion Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This memorised phrase does not add content.
- 9. Inflated phrase Original: A deluge of merits Suggested revision: Several advantages Why it matters: Deluge is unnatural for essay benefits.
- 10. Unclear wording Original: back this stance to take the break Suggested revision: support taking this break Why it matters: This is clearer and more natural.
- 11. Misused word Original: The most preponderant Suggested revision: The most important Why it matters: Preponderant is awkward and incorrectly used here.
- 12. Punctuation and structure Original: students after studying for a long period, get a break Suggested revision: students get a break after studying for a long period Why it matters: The subject and verb should stay together.
Suggested Rewrites
- conspicuous trends noticeable trends
- pupils students
- year gap gap year
- for travel or job to travel or work
- before commencing the tertiary education before commencing tertiary education
- problems and advantages advantages and disadvantages
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response discusses advantages and disadvantages and gives a cautious final view. However, the question asks whether students should take a gap year, and the final recommendation is not fully consistent with earlier support.
State clearly whether you recommend a gap year for most students, and under what conditions.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a recognisable sequence from introduction to benefits, drawbacks, and conclusion, but the response is one paragraph and uses some memorised linking phrases.
Use separate paragraphs and replace template phrases with direct topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary shows ambition, but some high-level words are unnatural or misused, such as deluge, conspicuous, obnoxious habits, and preponderant.
Choose accurate academic vocabulary over impressive-looking words when the meaning is simple.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar errors in articles, verb patterns, punctuation, and noun forms are frequent. Meaning is mostly clear but the errors reduce fluency.
Focus on article use with singular count nouns and correct verb patterns after decide, start, and prefer.