Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Correction

Visitors should follow local customs and behaviours or the host country should welcome cultural differences? Which one do you support and why?

Sample Response

Whether visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviours or the host country should welcome cultural differences is a widely debated issue. This essay deals with it and gives my point of view. Visitors should respect the local customs, demeanours and cultures of the host country. If the guests behave abusively to the emcee, it is not the polite way in our society. Before going somewhere, it is better to know the local traditions of a definite country. Every country does have the same customs, cultures, behaviours and origins. If an individual follows the local customs of others in its respective places, it means mutual understanding to each other. If so, people on the earth will raise the esteem on one another and every country will reach a compromise, then the world will become the improving, beautiful and peaceful place ever to live in without wars. As an example, many leaders from the world visit Myanmar and they recognise mutual respects and show affection to others such as saying ‘mingalarpar’, making a gesture of respect by putting the palms together and raising them to the forehead. They also value the religious customs by taking off their shoes and wearing the appropriate dresses on the flat ground around the stupa and pagodas. Too many local residents warmly welcome them gladly and heartily. The ignorance of local language and custom may lead to a big problem since it is disrespectful to another culture. For another example, when I was travelling to Saudi Arabia as a visitor, I wore ‘abaya’ and covered my long hairs for going outside. This meant just paying respect for other culture and I did not lose my original identity. I even got some help and assistance from local people for my respect towards their traditions. Therefore, to sum up, I strongly agree that visitors should comply with customs and cultures of the host country.

IELTS Writing Correction

  • 1. Avoid vague phrasing This essay argues that visitors should respect local customs
  • 2. Wrong word manners
  • 3. Wrong noun host
  • 4. Natural phrase particular country
  • 5. Meaning error Every country has different customs
  • 6. Wrong collocation show greater respect for one another
  • 7. Wrong quantifier Many local residents
  • 8. Uncountable noun my long hair
Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.

TR

Task Response

6.5
Feedback

The writer clearly supports visitors following local customs and gives relevant examples. However, the opposing idea is not discussed much, so the answer is somewhat one-sided.

Next step

Briefly acknowledge why host countries should welcome cultural differences, then explain why visitor respect is still more important.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

5.5
Feedback

The response has a clear overall direction but is written as one long paragraph, and some ideas jump quickly from manners to world peace.

Next step

Use separate paragraphs for position, reasons, examples, and conclusion, with one main idea per paragraph.

LR

Lexical Resource

6.0
Feedback

There is some useful vocabulary about customs and respect, but several words are inaccurate or unnatural.

Next step

Use precise cultural vocabulary such as host community, local etiquette, cultural identity, and mutual respect.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0
Feedback

Meaning is usually clear, but there are recurring errors with articles, pronouns, and sentence construction.

Next step

Edit for simple accurate sentence patterns before adding longer conditional sentences.