In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages?
Sample Response
Nowadays education and job have become very important part of everyone's life. Without good education or job, it is difficult to survive in the present expensive world. Getting good education & good job is becoming an essential part of everyone's life. In order to fulfil this, sometimes people have to stay away from their parents. This has positive as well as a negative impact.
Firstly, when there is a thirst for quality education, sometimes it is difficult for people to get admission in a good college or their field of interest, in the vicinity of their home. This makes them go away from their house and study in college/school which is far away from their family. They end up in staying in a place near the college. This development will help them to spend most of their time in college rather than to spend time in travelling alone. This will also make them access the library on weekends. Also, sometimes it will be cost effective as the student spends less money on travel. In addition, if they stay near the college they can do combined study, with their fellow classmates thus making them easier to understand the subject and have a successful educational life.
On the negative side, it is when people stay away from parents, have less contact with parents and parents have less control on them. As a result, they fall into bad habits like drug abusing and unprofessional way of making money. This destroys their education and this will have a huge impact on their career and spoil their future. Secondly, people need to travel or stay away from their home depends on the job they are into. For example professions like marketing, sales normally require a lot of travelling and sometimes they even have to stay in a different city in order to reach their target. Some professionals, especially who are in the software field, need to work in their client place for a longer duration. This duration may reach up to 4-5 years depending on the type of project they are handling. In one hand, this movement has advantages as people become more independent and thereby, it increases their self-confidence. It also helps in making the responsible citizen for the future. On the other hand, when people stay away from home they get exposed to bad companies, which will lead them to bad habits and destroys their career.
To sum up, staying away from home will have both the advantages as well disadvantages. However, from the above discussion I opine that there are more advantages compared to disadvantages. Also, I feel the people who go away from home have to be in good touch with their parents. They should regularly visit their home during their holidays / vacations and also attend some family functions. In this away, they can maintain the family bonding, together with their professional or education life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article and plural nouns Original: education and job have become very important part Suggested revision: education and jobs have become a very important part Why it matters: The singular countable noun part needs an article, and jobs is more natural when speaking generally.
- 2. Verb pattern Original: They end up in staying Suggested revision: They end up staying Why it matters: End up is followed directly by an -ing form, without in.
- 3. Word form Original: drug abusing Suggested revision: drug abuse Why it matters: Drug abuse is the correct noun phrase for the bad habit being described.
- 4. Subject and phrase Original: depends on the job they are into Suggested revision: depends on the job they have Why it matters: The subject people need to travel is plural, and are into is too informal and imprecise here.
- 5. Wrong phrase Original: In this away Suggested revision: In this way Why it matters: Away changes the meaning; the intended linking phrase is in this way.
- 6. Parallel nouns Original: education & good job Suggested revision: a good education and a good job Why it matters: Use parallel noun phrases with articles for singular countable nouns.
- 7. Natural phrase Original: present expensive world Suggested revision: today's expensive world Why it matters: This is a more natural collocation for describing current living costs.
- 8. Overstated wording Original: thirst for quality education Suggested revision: desire for quality education Why it matters: Thirst is understandable but too dramatic for this formal argument.
- 9. Preposition choice Original: admission in a good college Suggested revision: admission to a good college Why it matters: Admission is normally followed by to when referring to an institution.
- 10. Topic wording Original: go away from their house Suggested revision: move away from home Why it matters: Move away from home matches the essay topic more precisely.
- 11. Parallel form Original: rather than to spend time Suggested revision: rather than spending time Why it matters: Keep the verb form parallel after rather than.
- 12. Wrong object Original: making them easier to understand Suggested revision: making it easier for them to understand Why it matters: The subject becomes easier, not the people themselves.
Suggested Rewrites
- education and job have become very important part education and jobs have become a very important part
- They end up in staying They end up staying
- drug abusing drug abuse
- depends on the job they are into depends on the job they have
- In this away In this way
- education & good job a good education and a good job
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages and reaches a clear view that advantages are greater. Development is relevant but sometimes repetitive, and the job-related discussion drifts from young single people leaving home into general professional travel.
Keep each body paragraph tied directly to the trend in the question and explain why each advantage or disadvantage is stronger before the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a recognizable introduction, body discussion, and conclusion. Paragraphing is clear, but cohesion relies heavily on basic markers such as Firstly, Secondly, Also, and some ideas are joined loosely or repeated across long sentences.
Use fewer listing expressions and build clearer links between examples, consequences, and the central comparison of advantages versus disadvantages.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for education, work, family, and independence, with some useful topic phrases. Word choice errors such as bad companies, drug abusing, and in good touch reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace broad or unnatural phrases with precise collocations, for example negative peer groups, drug abuse, maintain close contact, and career prospects.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but frequent article, preposition, subject-verb, and word-form errors affect accuracy. Meaning is usually clear, though several clauses are awkwardly controlled.
Edit for noun phrase accuracy and verb patterns, especially article use after singular countable nouns and structures after make, help, and depend.