In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages?
Sample Response
Over the past few years, there has been an increasing trend of adolescents staying away from home and parents to another place for the purpose of getting a good qualification or employment. There are various pros and cons of this trend which are elaborated in this essay.
On the one hand, I believe there are certain positive effects on the juveniles who choose to study or work away from their residence. Firstly, it helps the young ones to become more independent when the parents are not around them for spoon feeding. Moreover, they are able to make decisions by themselves that makes them more confident. Secondly, the experience of living far from home makes the children more responsible at a very young age. For instance, a person doing a job will know how to carry out the expenses and to save the money, when he is not living with parents. Finally, experiencing the different phases of life and learning from them can be possible when one is living away from his family.
On the other hand, the negative sides of this trend should not be ignored. Becoming independent and leaving parents for the career might cause the children to become emotionless and they may not feel the love that develops while living with parents. Furthermore, some of them can feel lonely and homesick that hinders their success for which they might be struggling.
In conclusion, considering both the aspects of living away from home for personal reasons, the advantages of this drift far outweigh the disadvantages.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Topic word Original: adolescents Suggested revision: young adults Why it matters: The task refers to young single people, who may be adults rather than adolescents.
- 2. Natural phrase Original: to another place Suggested revision: in another place Why it matters: They are staying or living in another place, not staying to another place.
- 3. Collocation Original: good qualification Suggested revision: a good qualification Why it matters: Qualification is a singular countable noun here.
- 4. Verb choice Original: which are elaborated Suggested revision: which will be discussed Why it matters: Discussed is more natural for essay content than elaborated here.
- 5. Register Original: juveniles Suggested revision: young people Why it matters: Juveniles can sound legalistic or negative.
- 6. Natural word Original: residence Suggested revision: home Why it matters: Home is clearer and more natural in this context.
- 7. Informal image Original: spoon feeding Suggested revision: constant support Why it matters: The phrase is informal and may sound dismissive.
- 8. Clause link Original: that makes them more confident Suggested revision: which makes them more confident Why it matters: Which refers to the whole previous idea more naturally.
- 9. Wrong collocation Original: carry out the expenses Suggested revision: manage expenses Why it matters: Manage expenses is the correct expression.
- 10. Unclear reference Original: for which they might be struggling Suggested revision: toward which they are working Why it matters: The original phrase does not clearly connect success and struggle.
- 11. Article use Original: both the aspects Suggested revision: both aspects Why it matters: No article is needed before aspects in this phrase.
- 12. Word choice Original: this drift Suggested revision: this trend Why it matters: Trend is the appropriate noun for a social development.
Suggested Rewrites
- adolescents young adults
- to another place in another place
- good qualification a good qualification
- which are elaborated which will be discussed
- juveniles young people
- residence home
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers the question clearly and presents advantages as stronger than disadvantages, with relevant points about independence, responsibility, loneliness, and family bonds.
Develop the disadvantage paragraph with one concrete example so the comparison feels more balanced.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization is clear and logical, with effective paragraphing and basic sequencing; cohesion is sometimes mechanical but easy to follow.
Use more precise topic sentences and avoid formulaic phrases such as On the one hand when the paragraph already has a clear purpose.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is mostly adequate, with some less natural or overly broad words such as adolescents, juveniles, and drift.
Choose natural terms such as young adults, independence, emotional distance, and this trend.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally understandable, but there are recurring errors with relative clauses, articles, prepositions, and subject-verb agreement.
Proofread sentences containing that, which, and when because several of these clauses need tighter control.