In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Today, many city developers always try to consider each part of the city for individual purpose. While some locations might be appropriate for education, the other one can be suitable to be residential areas. I personally agree with this method, although it might have had some drawbacks.
On the one hand, considering this plan by the city planners can have some negative consequences. One is that it can enhance traffic congestion inside of cities. For instance, those students living in peripheral areas have to travel several kilometres each day to reach their school, being mainly constructed in the central of cities; therefore, the number of commuters may escalate dramatically. Another reason behind it is that people living in rural areas have less access to appropriate facilities. For example, if they like to purchase furniture for their home, they cannot find them in the small retailers near their home. They have to spend hundreds of dollars for their transportation, while dwellers living in sprawling cities have a better access to these items.
On the other hand, having this plan in urban areas, I believe that it will avoid overpopulation in specific locations. One important factor is that the more factories are moved to suburb areas, the more workers prefer to live near them, instead of living in the central of cities. In particular, in Tehran, the capital city of Iran, had not the government permitted large companies to have a function in the centre, more citizens would have moved to live in the countryside, leading them to faceless the overpopulation problems. Furthermore, it can decrease the level of pollution in cities. Obviously, the more shops or offices operate in cities, the more they pollute the environment. As a result, in many countries, governments have considered specific regions for these markets. In this case, in Vancouver, the government of BC has considered a huge place for shops near the airport, which is located outside of the metropolitan zone. This will reduce the pollution caused by these businesses far significantly.
In conclusion, although some may agree that each region should not be allocated for specific purposes, I completely agree with it. This not only can reduce the density of population but the amount of pollution in the central areas of urban.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Better term Original: city developers Suggested revision: urban planners Why it matters: Urban planners is the more precise term for this topic.
- 2. Article and number Original: for individual purpose Suggested revision: for an individual purpose Why it matters: The noun phrase needs an article.
- 3. Plural reference Original: the other one can be suitable Suggested revision: other areas can be suitable Why it matters: The essay is comparing multiple city areas.
- 4. Natural phrase Original: be residential areas Suggested revision: for residential use Why it matters: This is a more natural planning expression.
- 5. Clearer reference Original: considering this plan Suggested revision: separating city functions Why it matters: This names the policy instead of using a vague reference.
- 6. Preposition Original: inside of cities Suggested revision: inside cities Why it matters: Of is unnecessary after inside here.
- 7. Wrong noun form Original: in the central of cities Suggested revision: in city centres Why it matters: Central is an adjective; centre is the noun needed here.
- 8. Uncountable noun Original: have a better access Suggested revision: have better access Why it matters: Access is uncountable in this phrase.
- 9. Article use Original: the more factories are moved to suburb areas Suggested revision: the more factories are moved to suburban areas Why it matters: Suburban is the adjective form before areas.
- 10. Inversion error Original: had not the government permitted Suggested revision: if the government had not permitted Why it matters: The conditional structure is awkward and unclear.
- 11. Wrong collocation Original: have a function in the centre Suggested revision: operate in the centre Why it matters: Companies operate in an area; they do not have a function there.
- 12. Wrong word Original: faceless the overpopulation problems Suggested revision: face fewer overpopulation problems Why it matters: Faceless is not the intended verb phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- city developers urban planners
- for individual purpose for an individual purpose
- the other one can be suitable other areas can be suitable
- be residential areas for residential use
- considering this plan separating city functions
- inside of cities inside cities
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response gives a clear opinion and discusses both disadvantages and advantages of separating city functions. Ideas are relevant, but the final judgement is not fully weighed because some examples are unclear or only loosely connected to the policy.
Make the outweigh judgement explicit by comparing the scale of the benefits with the stated traffic and access problems.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and there is a clear contrast between disadvantages and advantages. Cohesion is sometimes mechanical, and some sentences contain unclear references that interrupt the flow.
Use fewer formulaic connectors and make pronouns such as it and this refer to a clear noun.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses topic vocabulary such as traffic congestion, commuters, facilities, overpopulation, and metropolitan zone. However, collocation errors and awkward word choices reduce precision.
Replace literal or incorrect phrases with natural urban-planning collocations, such as residential areas, city centres, suburbs, and reduce pollution significantly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but frequent errors with articles, prepositions, word order, and clause structure affect clarity in several places.
Edit each long sentence by identifying the subject, main verb, and object before adding subordinate clauses.