It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?
Sample Response
In several parts of the world, there is currently a lack of students choosing to study science in universities and colleges. This problem happens due to some reasons, and it can have some adverse impacts on society.
There are several reasons why fewer university students are choosing science as their major. Firstly, these subjects are usually more difficult and demanding, which requires students to put much effort into their study. For example, my friend who is doing a course in Biology said that he had to conduct too many experiments and complete numerous projects, which prevented him from having any free time. As a result, science subjects seem to be less attractive to students compared to economics or business-related subjects. Secondly, as there are currently fewer employment opportunities available for graduates in science fields, learners are less likely to decide to select these majors. Instead, they tend to choose other subjects which allow them to find jobs more easily.
A shortage of learners in science fields can result in some negative effects. The first impact is that when fewer students decide to learn about science, there would be a serious shortage of employees working in these fields. This would lead to fewer technological developments, which would also prevent improvements in people’s life quality. For instance, it would be difficult for humans to produce newer smart phones with better functions. Additionally, while a significantly increasing number of students are choosing economics and business to study, the number of job vacancies in these areas is limited. Therefore, many university graduates would have to face unemployment, which increases burden on society.
In conclusion, the shortage of students choosing science subjects is caused by several factors, and this problem might bring about serious impacts.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: happens due to some reasons Suggested revision: arises for several reasons Why it matters: This is the natural collocation for introducing multiple causes of a problem.
- 2. Match the plural subject Original: requires Suggested revision: require Why it matters: The relative clause refers to the plural noun 'subjects', so it needs a plural verb.
- 3. Improve the collocation Original: put much effort into their study Suggested revision: devote considerable effort to their studies Why it matters: This is a more natural academic collocation for sustained educational work.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: doing a course in Biology Suggested revision: taking a biology course Why it matters: This phrasing is more concise, and a general subject name does not require a capital letter.
- 5. Remove redundant verbs Original: less likely to decide to select Suggested revision: less likely to select Why it matters: 'Decide to select' repeats the same choice unnecessarily.
- 6. Fix conditional form Original: would Suggested revision: could Why it matters: 'Could' fits the possible effect introduced by the conditional situation.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: fewer technological developments Suggested revision: slower technological development Why it matters: Technological development is normally treated as an uncountable process in this context.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: prevent improvements in people’s life quality Suggested revision: hinder improvements in people’s quality of life Why it matters: 'Quality of life' is the standard expression, and 'hinder' accurately describes slowing improvement.
- 9. Use concise wording Original: graduates in science fields Suggested revision: science graduates Why it matters: This compact noun phrase expresses the same group more naturally.
- 10. Describe growth naturally Original: a significantly increasing number Suggested revision: a rapidly growing number Why it matters: The original combination of adverb and participle is unnatural for a rising quantity.
- 11. Correct word order Original: choosing economics and business to study Suggested revision: choosing to study economics and business Why it matters: The infinitive should follow 'choosing' before the names of the subjects.
- 12. Add the article Original: increases burden on society Suggested revision: increases the burden on society Why it matters: The countable noun 'burden' needs the definite article in this expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- happens due to some reasons arises for several reasons
- requires require
- put much effort into their study devote considerable effort to their studies
- doing a course in Biology taking a biology course
- less likely to decide to select less likely to select
- would could
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is well organised and addresses both causes and social effects with clear causal chains and relevant examples. Its main limitation is that some claims, particularly about science employment and graduate unemployment, are asserted too broadly, while several collocations and grammatical slips reduce precision. The best improvement would be to qualify those claims and support them with more convincing society-level explanation while proofreading sentence structure and word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are answered clearly through two causes and two effects that are extended with relevant explanation and examples.
Strengthen the argument by qualifying broad claims about employment and explaining the wider social consequences with more convincing evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally make the cause-and-effect relationships easy to follow.
Rely less on numbered signposts and use more varied referencing to make transitions sound less formulaic.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic and usually precise, with occasional awkward combinations such as 'people's life quality' and 'economics and business to study'.
Refine academic collocations, for example using 'quality of life' and 'study economics or business', to improve naturalness.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is used with generally good control, although occasional agreement, article, and phrasing errors remain.
Proofread carefully for subject-verb agreement and missing articles, especially in long sentences containing relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.