The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from. Number of Visitors (million) SOUTH KOREA JAPAN CHINA USA BRITAIN EUROPE 2.9 3.2 0.3 0.4 0.9 1.1 9.1 12.0 0.8 1.1 2.9 4.5 8.8 30.4
Sample Response
This line graph presents the number of visits to Australia by foreign citizens per year while the table specifies the visits per country that took place in the year 1975 and 2005. There has been a gradual increase from 1975 to 1985 while the number doubled from 1984 to 1995 as seen on the chart. However, compared to 1975, in 2005 the number of foreign visitors has increased drastically (Total 8.8 in 1975; 30.4 in 2005).
Furthermore, an interesting fact is that among the six countries given, South Korea and Japan had the most number of foreign visitors to Australia in 2005 compared to 1975 (South Korea: 2.9 in 1975 and 9.1 in 2005; Japan: 3.2 in 1975 and 12.0 in 2005). Meanwhile, China having had 0.3 million people visiting Australia in 1975 but 0.8 million in 2005 which is quite less in terms of changes that took place over the years compared to other countries over the past years.
Overall, compared to 1975 the number of foreign visitors has been increasing, reaching quite a high number of visitors of 32 million to Australia while having a majority of visitors from South Korea and Japan. On the other hand, the least number of travels was from China but it is safe to say that the majority of the visits to Australia were from Asian countries than Western countries.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Wrong year Original: from 1984 to 1995 Suggested revision: from 1985 to 1995 Why it matters: The line graph shows 1985, not 1984.
- 2. Natural term Original: foreign citizens Suggested revision: overseas residents Why it matters: This matches the task wording more accurately.
- 3. Unneeded phrase Original: as seen on the chart Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This phrase is unnecessary in a concise report.
- 4. Integrate figures Original: Total 8.8 in 1975; 30.4 in 2005 Suggested revision: from 8.8 million in 1975 to 30.4 million in 2005 Why it matters: The figures should be incorporated into the sentence smoothly.
- 5. Natural superlative Original: most number of foreign visitors Suggested revision: largest numbers of visitors Why it matters: Most number is not idiomatic.
- 6. Fragment Original: China having had 0.3 million people visiting Australia in 1975 but 0.8 million in 2005 Suggested revision: China had 0.3 million visitors to Australia in 1975 and 0.8 million in 2005 Why it matters: The original is not a complete main clause.
- 7. Awkward comparison Original: quite less in terms of changes Suggested revision: a much smaller increase Why it matters: This is clearer and more natural.
- 8. Repetition Original: over the years compared to other countries over the past years Suggested revision: compared with the other countries Why it matters: The repeated time phrase is unnecessary.
- 9. Figure accuracy Original: reaching quite a high number of visitors of 32 million Suggested revision: reaching just over 30 million visitors Why it matters: The graph and table show about 30.4 to 31 million, not 32 million.
- 10. Wrong noun Original: the least number of travels Suggested revision: the fewest visitors Why it matters: Visitors is the correct noun for this data.
- 11. Careful claim Original: majority of the visits to Australia were from Asian countries than Western countries Suggested revision: the largest individual sources were Japan and South Korea Why it matters: The table supports naming the largest source countries more directly than a broad regional claim.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: There has been a gradual increase from 1975 to 1985 while the number doubled from 1984 to 1995 as seen on the chart. Suggested revision: The total number of visits rose from about 9 million in 1975 to around 16 million in 1985, then increased more sharply to about 24 million in 1995. Why it matters: This gives accurate years and clearer numerical support.
Suggested Rewrites
- from 1984 to 1995 from 1985 to 1995
- foreign citizens overseas residents
- as seen on the chart Delete
- Total 8.8 in 1975; 30.4 in 2005 from 8.8 million in 1975 to 30.4 million in 2005
- most number of foreign visitors largest numbers of visitors
- China having had 0.3 million people visiting Australia in 1975 but 0.8 million in 2005 China had 0.3 million visitors to Australia in 1975 and 0.8 million in 2005
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report gives a clear general trend and includes key table comparisons, especially Japan and South Korea. However, it misstates one year, gives the final total as 32 million rather than about 30.4 to 31 million, and overgeneralises the Asian versus Western comparison.
Use the exact years and figures from the charts, and mention that visits rose from about 9 million in 1975 to just over 30 million in 2005.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into overview, country details, and summary. Some repetition of the overall increase reduces efficiency, but the progression is generally clear.
Avoid repeating the overall trend in the conclusion; use that space for a concise final comparison of the largest and smallest source countries.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and mostly natural, with phrases such as gradual increase and majority of visitors. Some expressions are awkward or imprecise, including travels and most number.
Use precise terms such as visitors, source countries, largest contributors, total, and increase.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Most sentences are understandable, but there are errors with clauses, articles, tense, and sentence fragments. Some long sentences need clearer control.
Check each comparison sentence for a complete subject and verb, especially when using meanwhile and compared to.