The line graphs below show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010.
Sample Response
The line graph outlines the production and demand for steel in million tonnes in the UK in 2010 and the number of workers employed in this sector. Generally speaking, the production of steel in the UK was higher than the demand and the number of workers in this sector directly affected the production capability. At the beginning of 2010, the demand for steel was 4000 million tonnes which was double than the actual demand. The steel production and demand in April remained almost the same in April. In August, at the end of the third quarter, the demand unchanged but the production dropped to just over 3000 million tonnes. The demand dramatically fell in November and at the end of the year, the demand went higher than the production. During this time the demand for steel was 2000 million tonnes against less than 1000 million tonnes production. The production of steel is correlated with the employed workers in this sector. In January 2010, the steel industry in the UK employed 5 million workers and it went as high as roughly 5.8 million in February. From March to July, the workers’ number stood at an average 2 million and kept on declining from September till December. At the end of the year, the UK steel sector employed 1 million people.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid causation Original: the number of workers in this sector directly affected the production capability Suggested revision: the number of workers also declined overall Why it matters: The graph shows a similar pattern, but it does not prove that worker numbers directly caused production changes.
- 2. Wrong series Original: the demand for steel was 4000 million tonnes Suggested revision: steel production was about 4000 million tonnes Why it matters: In January, about 4000 refers to production, while demand is about 2000.
- 3. Comparison form Original: double than the actual demand Suggested revision: twice the actual demand Why it matters: Use twice, not double than, in this comparison.
- 4. Remove repetition Original: in April remained almost the same in April Suggested revision: remained almost the same in April Why it matters: The month is repeated unnecessarily.
- 5. Missing verb Original: the demand unchanged Suggested revision: demand was unchanged Why it matters: The sentence needs a finite verb.
- 6. Natural comparison Original: the demand went higher than the production Suggested revision: demand exceeded production Why it matters: This is more concise and formal.
- 7. Careful phrasing Original: The production of steel is correlated with the employed workers Suggested revision: Steel production followed a broadly similar downward pattern to employment Why it matters: This avoids overstating the relationship.
- 8. Natural term Original: the workers’ number Suggested revision: the number of workers Why it matters: This is the natural phrase for employment figures.
- 9. Wrong scale Original: average 2 million Suggested revision: around 2.5 to 3.1 million Why it matters: The worker figures from March to July are mostly around 2.5 to 3.1 million, not an average of 2 million.
- 10. Correct data Original: At the beginning of 2010, the demand for steel was 4000 million tonnes which was double than the actual demand. Suggested revision: At the beginning of 2010, production was about 4000 million tonnes, roughly twice the actual demand of 2000 million tonnes. Why it matters: This corrects the reversed data and the comparison.
- 11. Fix structure Original: In August, at the end of the third quarter, the demand unchanged but the production dropped to just over 3000 million tonnes. Suggested revision: In August, demand was roughly unchanged, while production dropped to just over 3000 million tonnes. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the missing verb and removes the inaccurate quarter phrase.
- 12. Use evidence only Original: The production of steel is correlated with the employed workers in this sector. Suggested revision: The employment graph also shows an overall decline, despite a temporary rise around August. Why it matters: This describes what is visible without claiming causation.
Suggested Rewrites
- the number of workers in this sector directly affected the production capability the number of workers also declined overall
- the demand for steel was 4000 million tonnes steel production was about 4000 million tonnes
- double than the actual demand twice the actual demand
- in April remained almost the same in April remained almost the same in April
- the demand unchanged demand was unchanged
- the demand went higher than the production demand exceeded production
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response covers the three series and gives some correct broad features, including production generally exceeding demand and all measures falling by the end. However, several key figures are inaccurate or confused, the January demand and production values are reversed, and it asserts a causal link between workers and production that the charts do not prove.
Recheck each series against the visuals, report production, demand, and workers separately, and avoid claiming direct causation unless the graph explicitly shows it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The answer has an overview and then moves through steel figures before worker numbers. Progression is mostly understandable, but there is repetition, some unclear referencing, and no paragraphing.
Use one paragraph for production versus demand and a second for employment, with a concise overview before the details.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic, but phrasing is sometimes imprecise or awkward, such as demand went higher than the production and workers' number. There is also confusion between production and demand terminology.
Use precise terms such as output, actual demand, workforce, exceeded, fell below, and stood at.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar errors occur with comparison forms, missing verbs, tense, and articles. Meaning is usually recoverable, but several sentences become inaccurate or hard to follow.
Check comparative structures, add missing auxiliary verbs, and use past tense consistently when reporting 2010 data.