The bar chart below gives information about vehicle ownership in China.
Sample Response
The bar graph depicts information about motorised vehicle possessions in China during a twelve-year period - from 1987 until 1999.
In general, the number of automobiles owned by Chinese citizens increased gradually and marked a noticeable change in vehicle ownership during the observed times.
Looking at the details, vehicle ownership in China in 1987 pertained a figure about 30 vehicles per thousand individuals. This number swelled modestly between the year of 1987 and before 1995 which was about 10% vehicles ownership. Furthermore, in 1995, the number of car possessions went up dramatically, about 200 vehicles and was double than the previous number. This figure grew significantly through the following years and in 1999, and it accounted for a steep increase, almost 4,10 vehicles per thousand citizens. The figure extremely noticed a significant change in vehicle ownership between 1987 and 1999. In 1999, it was reckoned approximately twelve times higher than the rate of vehicle possessions in China in 1987.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural noun phrase Original: motorised vehicle possessions Suggested revision: motor vehicle ownership Why it matters: The chart is about ownership levels, not physical possessions.
- 2. Time range wording Original: from 1987 until 1999 Suggested revision: from 1987 to 1999 Why it matters: Use from...to for a completed range on a chart.
- 3. Sharpen overview Original: increased gradually Suggested revision: rose sharply overall, especially after 1993 Why it matters: The chart shows a modest early rise followed by a much steeper increase.
- 4. Use chart term Original: observed times Suggested revision: period shown Why it matters: Observed times is not natural for a graph description.
- 5. Verb pattern Original: pertained a figure about Suggested revision: stood at about Why it matters: Pertained does not take this object pattern in data reporting.
- 6. Match unit label Original: individuals Suggested revision: people Why it matters: The chart unit is vehicles per thousand people.
- 7. Wrong unit Original: which was about 10% vehicles ownership Suggested revision: reaching about 100 vehicles per thousand people by 1993 Why it matters: The chart uses vehicles per thousand people, not percentages.
- 8. Comparison form Original: was double than Suggested revision: was double Why it matters: Use double the previous figure or twice as high as, not double than.
- 9. Fix figure Original: almost 4,10 vehicles Suggested revision: about 425 vehicles Why it matters: The final bar is just over 400, around 425, and the comma makes the number unclear.
- 10. Subject verb error Original: The figure extremely noticed Suggested revision: The chart shows Why it matters: A figure cannot notice a change.
- 11. Data phrase Original: rate of vehicle possessions Suggested revision: level of vehicle ownership Why it matters: This is the natural phrase for the measured quantity.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: In general, the number of automobiles owned by Chinese citizens increased gradually and marked a noticeable change in vehicle ownership during the observed times. Suggested revision: Overall, vehicle ownership rose dramatically, with the fastest growth occurring after the early 1990s. Why it matters: The overview should capture the steep acceleration rather than only a gradual rise.
Suggested Rewrites
- motorised vehicle possessions motor vehicle ownership
- from 1987 until 1999 from 1987 to 1999
- increased gradually rose sharply overall, especially after 1993
- observed times period shown
- pertained a figure about stood at about
- individuals people
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response identifies the overall rise and includes several key figures from the chart, including the low starting point, the sharp mid-1990s increase, and the high final value. Accuracy is weakened by unclear wording around the early years, the unsupported percentage reference, and the malformed final figure.
State the overview as a sharp rise, especially after 1993, and report each value in vehicles per thousand people without changing the unit into a percentage.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has a clear introduction, overview, and detail paragraph, but progression inside the detail paragraph is overloaded and some referencing is repetitive.
Separate the early modest rise from the later steep rise, and use clearer time sequencing such as by 1993, in 1995, in 1997, and finally in 1999.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally adequate for a chart report, but several collocations are unnatural, including vehicle possessions, observed times, and the figure noticed a change.
Use standard data-reporting phrases such as vehicle ownership, over the period, rose to, and reached approximately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually clear, but there are frequent errors in verb patterns, comparison forms, and sentence control.
Revise comparison grammar, especially double the previous figure, twelve times higher than, and was about 30 vehicles per thousand people.