The bar chart below gives information about vehicle ownership in China.
Sample Response
The provided bar chart reveals data about vehicle ownership by Chinese citizens from 1987 to 1999. The data shows the number of automobiles owned by per thousand people.
In general, the possession of different kinds of motorised transportations increased rapidly during the last nine years of the given period. Vehicle ownership in this period increased steadily and it was far quicker after 1993.
To begin with, in 1987 one thousand Chinese people owned only around 30 vehicles which increased over 50 in just two years. The rate kept on increasing every year and in 1995 this number reached to 200. There was a dramatic increase in terms of ownership of vehicles in China in around 1995 and it reached to over 300 per thousand people in 1997 which means almost every three Chinese citizens owed a car. The percentage of vehicle ownership soared more than double in just 4 years from 1996 to 1999. In the final year, 1999, more than 400 vehicles were owned by per thousand Chinese people and that was an overwhelming figure compared to their vehicle ownership in 1987.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural chart phrase Original: reveals data about Suggested revision: shows information about Why it matters: This is a more natural Task 1 introduction.
- 2. Precise group Original: by Chinese citizens Suggested revision: in China Why it matters: The chart reports ownership in China, not necessarily only by citizens.
- 3. Wrong phrase Original: owned by per thousand people Suggested revision: owned per thousand people Why it matters: The phrase does not need by before per thousand people.
- 4. Awkward wording Original: the possession of different kinds of motorised transportations Suggested revision: vehicle ownership Why it matters: The chart measures vehicle ownership generally; transportations is not a natural plural noun.
- 5. Time accuracy Original: during the last nine years of the given period Suggested revision: during the period, especially after 1993 Why it matters: The chart covers 1987 to 1999, and the main acceleration happens after 1993.
- 6. Avoid repetition Original: Vehicle ownership in this period increased steadily Suggested revision: This rise became much steeper Why it matters: This avoids repeating vehicle ownership and links more clearly to the previous sentence.
- 7. Missing preposition Original: which increased over 50 Suggested revision: which increased to over 50 Why it matters: Use increased to when giving the new figure.
- 8. Verb pattern Original: reached to 200 Suggested revision: reached 200 Why it matters: Reach takes a direct object without to.
- 9. Unsupported wording Original: almost every three Chinese citizens owed a car Suggested revision: there were about 300 vehicles per thousand people Why it matters: The chart counts vehicles per thousand people, not whether every third person personally owned a car.
- 10. Wrong measure Original: The percentage of vehicle ownership Suggested revision: The figure for vehicle ownership Why it matters: The chart uses vehicles per thousand people, not percentages.
- 11. Verb form Original: more than double Suggested revision: more than doubled Why it matters: A verb is needed after the subject.
- 12. Passive phrasing Original: vehicles were owned by per thousand Chinese people Suggested revision: vehicles were owned per thousand Chinese people Why it matters: Remove by before per thousand people.
Suggested Rewrites
- reveals data about shows information about
- by Chinese citizens in China
- owned by per thousand people owned per thousand people
- the possession of different kinds of motorised transportations vehicle ownership
- during the last nine years of the given period during the period, especially after 1993
- Vehicle ownership in this period increased steadily This rise became much steeper
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response identifies the upward trend and gives most key values from the bar chart accurately, including the acceleration after the mid-1990s. A few descriptions are imprecise, especially treating vehicles as cars and saying the sharp rise occurred over the last nine years rather than across the whole period.
Keep the clear overview, but describe the measure precisely as vehicles per thousand people and compare the early slow growth with the much faster rise after 1993.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has a logical introduction, overview, and detail paragraph, so the progression is easy to follow. Some cohesion is repetitive and the final detail paragraph is quite long.
Split the data paragraph into early and later periods, and use fewer repeated phrases such as the rate kept on increasing.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally sufficient for a Task 1 report, with useful words such as increased, dramatic increase, and soared. There are several unnatural or inaccurate choices, including transportations, possession, owed, and percentage.
Use precise chart language such as vehicle ownership, vehicles per thousand people, rose to, and figure instead of percentage.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms is attempted and meaning is usually clear, but errors with articles, prepositions, passive forms, and word forms appear regularly.
Check noun phrases and verb patterns, especially reached, per thousand people, and were owned by.