The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from. Number of Visitors (million) SOUTH KOREA JAPAN CHINA USA BRITAIN EUROPE 2.9 3.2 0.3 0.4 0.9 1.1 9.1 12.0 0.8 1.1 2.9 4.5 8.8 30.4
Sample Response
The provided line graph delineates data on the changes of visitors' number to Australia from 1975 until 2005 while the table elaborates the percentage of tourists from various countries. At the onset, the number of foreign travellers to Australia had surged ceaselessly during the whole period and tripled by 2005. Moreover, the most substantial growth in the number of foreigners attended Australia had shown by Japan, South Korea and Europe. The line graph shows that visit to Australia by non-residents had overwhelmingly moved upward over the period of 2 decades: it was nearly 10 million in 1975 and slightly more than 30 million in 2005. Throughout the period, the number of tourists went up as high as 5 million each decade; however, between 1985 and 1995 it boomed to almost 10 million. While taking into consideration the table data we can easily infer that South Korea, Japan and Europe were leading sources of tourists (2.9, 3.2 and 1.1 million respectively) to Australia. In the wake of 3 decades, those figures almost quadrupled to 9.1, 12. and 4.5 million consecutively. Other countries represented less dramatic increase: China - from 0.3 to 0.8 million, the USA - from 0.4 to 1.1 million and the UK - from 0.9 to 2.9 million. It is worth noticing that the most significant growth in the number of travellers to Australia was from Japan, South Korea and Europe. Australia received the highest number of tourists from these countries during the period.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Wrong table measure Original: percentage of tourists Suggested revision: number of tourists Why it matters: The table gives visitor numbers in millions, not percentages.
- 2. Awkward phrase Original: At the onset Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: “At the onset” does not fit an overview statement.
- 3. Tense and tone Original: had surged ceaselessly Suggested revision: increased steadily Why it matters: Use simple past for a completed period and a neutral trend verb.
- 4. Consistent term Original: foreign travellers Suggested revision: overseas visitors Why it matters: This matches the task wording and avoids unnecessary variation.
- 5. Wrong collocation Original: foreigners attended Australia Suggested revision: visitors came to Australia Why it matters: People visit or travel to a country; they do not “attend” it.
- 6. Passive structure Original: had shown by Japan Suggested revision: was shown by Japan Why it matters: The phrase needs a correct passive form.
- 7. Plural noun Original: visit to Australia Suggested revision: visits to Australia Why it matters: The graph shows a number of visits, so plural form is needed.
- 8. Time span Original: over the period of 2 decades Suggested revision: over the 30-year period Why it matters: The chart covers 1975 to 2005, which is 30 years.
- 9. Concise transition Original: While taking into consideration Suggested revision: Turning to the table Why it matters: This is a clearer and more direct transition.
- 10. Year missing Original: leading sources of tourists (2.9, 3.2 and 1.1 million respectively) Suggested revision: leading sources in 1975, at 2.9, 3.2 and 1.1 million respectively Why it matters: State the year for table figures.
- 11. Incorrect idiom Original: In the wake of 3 decades Suggested revision: After three decades Why it matters: The phrase “in the wake of” is not appropriate here.
- 12. Missing decimal Original: 12. Suggested revision: 12.0 Why it matters: The table value should be written as 12.0 million.
Suggested Rewrites
- percentage of tourists number of tourists
- At the onset Overall
- had surged ceaselessly increased steadily
- foreign travellers overseas visitors
- foreigners attended Australia visitors came to Australia
- had shown by Japan was shown by Japan
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response captures the overall rise in overseas visits and identifies the main source countries, but it mislabels the table as percentages and contains some inaccurate wording about origins and growth.
State clearly that the line graph shows total visits in millions and the table gives visitor numbers by origin country in 1975 and 2005.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has a logical flow from line graph to table, but paragraphing is weak and some sentences are overpacked.
Use separate paragraphs for the line graph and table, with one concise overview after the introduction.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is reasonably varied, but some collocations are unnatural, such as “foreigners attended Australia” and “in the wake of 3 decades”.
Use simpler, accurate collocations: visits to Australia, visitors from Japan, over the 30-year period.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent article, preposition and noun-form errors reduce accuracy, though meaning is usually recoverable.
Check noun phrases after data labels and use past-tense reporting consistently.