The diagram below shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects up-to-the-minute information on the weather in order to produce reliable forecasts.
Sample Response
The given diagram shows how the weather information is collected by Australian Bureau of Meteorology to provide accurate and updated weather forecasting. As is observed from the given illustration, the weather information collection is done via satellites, radars and drifting buoys and then analysed before broadcasting them to the public. As is presented in the diagram, the weather information is collected using three different types of sources namely, satellites, radars and drifting buoys. The raw data collected from satellites is basically satellite photos while radar information is observed from the radar screens and the synoptic charts are yielded from the drifting buoys and these three types of data are fed into a computer system to analyse and prepare the weather news for broadcasting. After that, the weather, the news is broadcasted in different public media like televisions, radios and telephones. The final information regarding the weather is provided to the public via TV news, radio broadcasting and as a recorded announcement in devices like telephones.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Missing article Original: by Australian Bureau of Meteorology Suggested revision: by the Australian Bureau of Meteorology Why it matters: The institution name needs “the”.
- 2. Noun choice Original: weather forecasting Suggested revision: weather forecasts Why it matters: The diagram is about producing forecasts, not forecasting as an activity.
- 3. Concise transition Original: As is observed from the given illustration Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: A shorter overview marker is clearer.
- 4. Singular system terms Original: satellites, radars and drifting buoys Suggested revision: satellite, radar and drifting buoys Why it matters: The diagram labels “satellite” and “radar” as systems/sources.
- 5. Repetition Original: As is presented in the diagram Suggested revision: In the first stage Why it matters: Avoid repeating the same introductory phrase.
- 6. Comma after namely Original: namely, satellites Suggested revision: namely satellites Why it matters: The comma is not needed after “namely” in this structure.
- 7. Diagram label Original: satellite photos Suggested revision: satellite photo Why it matters: Use the chart’s label if referring to the output type.
- 8. Passive wording Original: radar information is observed from the radar screens Suggested revision: radar data is shown on radar screens Why it matters: This is more natural and precise.
- 9. Wrong collocation Original: synoptic charts are yielded Suggested revision: synoptic charts are produced Why it matters: Charts are produced or generated, not “yielded”.
- 10. Process link Original: these three types of data are fed into a computer system Suggested revision: the analysed data is then sent to a computer system Why it matters: The diagram shows analysis outputs leading to preparation on a computer.
- 11. Comma and verb form Original: After that, the weather, the news is broadcasted Suggested revision: After that, the weather news is broadcast Why it matters: Remove the comma error and use “broadcast” as the past participle.
- 12. Channel wording Original: public media like televisions Suggested revision: public media such as television Why it matters: Use “television” for the medium, not “televisions” as devices.
Suggested Rewrites
- by Australian Bureau of Meteorology by the Australian Bureau of Meteorology
- weather forecasting weather forecasts
- As is observed from the given illustration Overall
- satellites, radars and drifting buoys satellite, radar and drifting buoys
- As is presented in the diagram In the first stage
- namely, satellites namely satellites
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The process is described accurately overall, including the three input sources, analysis stage, computer preparation and broadcast channels. Some details are repeated and the analysis outputs could be stated more cleanly.
Describe the sequence once from incoming information to analysis, preparation and broadcast, avoiding repeated source lists.
Coherence and Cohesion
The order follows the diagram well, but the answer is one paragraph and repeats the collection stage.
Use a short overview plus one process paragraph, or split the process into input, analysis/preparation and output stages.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is appropriate for a process diagram, though “broadcasted”, “weather news” and “devices like telephones” are less natural.
Use process terms such as data is received, analysed, prepared and broadcast via TV, radio and recorded telephone announcements.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is mostly clear, but articles, passive forms and punctuation errors occur.
Check article use with institutional names and remove comma errors that break subject-verb connections.