The line graph below shows the cases of diseases caused by X virus in Australia from 1960 to 1995.
Sample Response
The line graph gives data on the X virus diseases reported from 1960 to 1995 in Australia. The horizontal line presents years while the vertical line shows the number of reported cases.
Overall, the highest number of X virus-related incidents occurred from 1975 to 1080 in Australia and after 1990, this virus could not cause any more illness in Australia. As can be seen in the illustration, the number of affected people from the X virus stood at only 50 in 1960 and in the next 10 years, it gradually increased. Two hundred people were infected in 1970 and afterwards, the fatality sharply increased and reached a peak, at 500 cases in 1975. This number remained stable over the next 5 years and then decreased by 100 in 1985. However, the recorded illness due to this virus in the next 5 years slumped, and in 1990, not a single case of X virus-related disease was found in Australia. During the last five years, from 1990 to 1995, no one was reported to become sick from the attack of this virus in Australia.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural reporting verb Original: gives data on Suggested revision: shows Why it matters: A simple reporting verb is more natural here.
- 2. Disease wording Original: X virus diseases reported Suggested revision: reported cases of diseases caused by X virus Why it matters: This matches the task more precisely.
- 3. Axis term Original: horizontal line Suggested revision: horizontal axis Why it matters: Use “axis” for graph scales.
- 4. Axis term Original: vertical line Suggested revision: vertical axis Why it matters: Use “axis” for graph scales.
- 5. Year typo Original: from 1975 to 1080 Suggested revision: from 1975 to 1980 Why it matters: The peak period is 1975 to 1980; “1080” is a serious typo.
- 6. Unsupported causation Original: this virus could not cause any more illness Suggested revision: no cases were recorded Why it matters: The graph shows reported cases, not whether the virus could cause illness.
- 7. Preposition Original: affected people from the X virus Suggested revision: people affected by X virus Why it matters: Use “affected by”, not “affected from”.
- 8. Neutral estimate Original: stood at only 50 Suggested revision: stood at about 50 Why it matters: Use “about” for an approximate graph value.
- 9. Wrong measure Original: fatality sharply increased Suggested revision: number of cases rose sharply Why it matters: The graph shows cases, not deaths.
- 10. Peak duration Original: at 500 cases in 1975 Suggested revision: at 500 cases in 1975 and 1980 Why it matters: The line remains at 500 in both years.
- 11. Clear reference Original: This number remained stable over the next 5 years Suggested revision: The figure remained stable at 500 over the next five years Why it matters: Specify the value for clarity.
- 12. Approximation Original: decreased by 100 in 1985 Suggested revision: decreased to just over 400 in 1985 Why it matters: The 1985 point is around 400, so reporting the value is clearer than only the change.
Suggested Rewrites
- gives data on shows
- X virus diseases reported reported cases of diseases caused by X virus
- horizontal line horizontal axis
- vertical line vertical axis
- from 1975 to 1080 from 1975 to 1980
- this virus could not cause any more illness no cases were recorded
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response accurately reports the main rise to a 1975-1980 peak and the fall to zero after 1990. The major issue is a typo in the year “1080” and some word choices that imply deaths rather than cases.
Keep the accurate trend structure but use neutral disease-case vocabulary and correct the peak period to 1975 to 1980.
Coherence and Cohesion
The organisation is clear, with an introduction and a detailed paragraph, though the second paragraph is long.
Separate the overview from the detailed chronological description for cleaner progression.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied but sometimes inaccurate: “fatality” and “attack of this virus” are not supported by the graph.
Use “cases”, “reported infections”, “incidence”, “rose”, “plateaued”, “fell sharply” and “reached zero”.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally clear, with some awkward phrasing and article/preposition problems.
Edit time phrases and avoid overly wordy passive constructions.