The line graph below shows the cases of diseases caused by X virus in Australia from 1960 to 1995.
Sample Response
The line graph shows the changes in the number of X virus cases in Australia, throughout 35 years, starting from 1960. Overall, most cases took place between 1975 and 1980 and after 1990, no cases from this virus was reported in Australia. To begin with, in 1960, around 50 cases from the X virus was reported in Australia. As the years went by, the figure increased, which had been exactly 100 in 1965. The most significant increase came as the disease skyrocketed and reached a peak, at 500 cases in 1975. The number of cases remained at the peak, 500 cases, for 5 years before decreasing by almost 100 in 1985. And finally, from 1990, it can be seen that the X virus no longer created any illnesses for Australian people. The most significant change in the number of cases came between the years 1970-1975 and 1985-1990. On the other hand, the X virus had the largest impact on Australia between 1975 and 1985.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural time phrase Original: throughout 35 years Suggested revision: over a 35-year period Why it matters: This is a more natural way to introduce the time span.
- 2. Agreement Original: no cases from this virus was reported Suggested revision: no cases of this virus were reported Why it matters: Cases is plural, so use were; cases of is the correct phrase.
- 3. Correct collocation Original: cases from the X virus Suggested revision: cases of the X virus Why it matters: Cases of a disease is the natural collocation.
- 4. Plural verb Original: was reported in Australia Suggested revision: were reported in Australia Why it matters: Cases is plural, so the verb must be were.
- 5. Tense choice Original: which had been exactly 100 in 1965 Suggested revision: reaching exactly 100 in 1965 Why it matters: This is more concise and fits the chronological description.
- 6. Remove comma Original: reached a peak, at 500 cases Suggested revision: reached a peak at 500 cases Why it matters: The comma is not needed between peak and at.
- 7. More precise fall Original: before decreasing by almost 100 in 1985 Suggested revision: before falling to just over 400 in 1985 Why it matters: The chart shows about 410 cases in 1985.
- 8. Avoid starting with and Original: And finally Suggested revision: Finally Why it matters: A formal report should not start this sentence with And.
- 9. Awkward phrase Original: created any illnesses for Australian people Suggested revision: caused any reported cases in Australia Why it matters: This is more precise and natural for disease data.
- 10. Range punctuation Original: came between the years 1970-1975 and 1985-1990 Suggested revision: came between 1970 and 1975 and between 1985 and 1990 Why it matters: This is clearer and more formal.
- 11. Neutral chart wording Original: had the largest impact on Australia Suggested revision: recorded its highest incidence in Australia Why it matters: Impact is broad; incidence is more precise for this graph.
- 12. Peak span Original: between 1975 and 1985 Suggested revision: between 1975 and 1980 Why it matters: The graph's maximum plateau is from 1975 to 1980; by 1985 the figure had declined.
Suggested Rewrites
- throughout 35 years over a 35-year period
- no cases from this virus was reported no cases of this virus were reported
- cases from the X virus cases of the X virus
- was reported in Australia were reported in Australia
- which had been exactly 100 in 1965 reaching exactly 100 in 1965
- reached a peak, at 500 cases reached a peak at 500 cases
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response gives a clear overview and accurately identifies the peak period, the rise to 500 cases, and the disappearance of reported cases after 1990. A few details could be more precise, including the 1985 value, which is just over 400 rather than a fall by almost 100 from 500.
Add the 1970 value and describe the sharp fall from about 410 in 1985 to zero in 1990 for a fuller account of the major changes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report is logically sequenced and easy to follow, moving from introduction and overview to chronological details. Some final statements repeat earlier points.
Remove repeated summary sentences or combine them into one concise final comparison.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary for trends is generally effective, including increased, reached a peak, remained, and decreasing. Some phrases are slightly informal or imprecise, such as created any illnesses.
Use precise medical chart language such as reported cases, incidence, rose sharply, plateaued, and fell to zero.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Most meaning is clear, but there are recurring agreement and preposition errors, especially cases was reported. Some punctuation also fragments the flow.
Check subject-verb agreement with plural cases and avoid unnecessary commas around time phrases.